The Everyday Life of Izaya Orihara
by Itaria-chan
Summary: The informant finally took a decision: "During the next three months I will observe Shizu-chan in the same way in which I usually do with the rest of the human beings; I will observe him and also I will continue follow him with the same dedication that I have given to each of the residents of Ikebukuro. And because I can be a madman, an indecisive one, but never a suicidal."
1. Preface

**Summary.** The informant finally took a decision: "During the following three months I will observe Shizu-chan in the same way in which I usually do with the rest of the human beings; I will observe him and also I will continue follow him with the same dedication that I have given to each of the residents of Ikebukuro. And because I can be a madman, an indecisive one, but never a suicidal." Shizaya.

* * *

 **The Everyday Life of Izaya Orihara**

* * *

 **Preface**

Inside a luxurious building of Shinjuku, the famous informant Izaya Orihara was thinking that lately his days had become very boring. Although he knew that it could always meet a human being who could offer to him some diversion (and this one, occasionally, being kind of perverse), was doing more than one month that no one was catching his attention.

Nobody, including his most nearby acquaintances, was deigning to behave in a way that he will consider deserving of his attention and that was keeping him worried.

 _Perhaps it is necessary that I offer to them a proper incentive to force them to lay onself. Otherwise, I will end up going in search of Shizu-chan only for finding a way of spending my time. That is something for which, I am sure, I will have to reproach myself eventually._

 _Another option is that they are not the problem. Will it be that possibly...?_

The young man shook his head and then lifted his sight. He looked at the bookcase that was occupying a complete wall. He stopped for a few moments in the encapsulated head of the Motorcyclist without Head and then he kept on reading the titles of the volumes that were framing it, the majority about anthropology and one that other about psychology.

On having done it, Izaya called into question the possibility of learning the behavior of the human being without the need to experiment with some poor man, but he ended up resigning itself. It was necessary to maintain a direct interaction if he wanted to spend a some good time and also if he was thinking about how to understand completely the nature of the above-mentioned one.

 _What human being I have not finished understanding?_

 _My family is too predictable, not mentioning Shinra and Celty…_

 _Namie-san is a person completely opposite to the one that I wish in these moments._

Izaya turned his attention away from the bookseller and preferred to stop in no point in particular.

 _And if at the moment what I need is not a human being but someone less complex?_

 _A less complex and more irrational someone._

 _There is always the possibility that I have rushed on having judged him._

The informant finally took a decision:

"During the next three months I will observe Shizu-chan in the same way in which I usually do with the rest of the human beings; I will observe him and also I will continue follow him, with the same dedication that I have given to each of the residents of Ikebukuro." The informant smiled.

 _It is possible that I will find something useful and interesting._

 _I might discover that humanity exists in the monster, which would be slightly curious, or I might know how to finish him if the opposite take place. Undoubtedly, this will be a very productive hobby._

...

 **Author´s note.**

Hi there!

First of all, thank you very much for reading the chapter! For now, I'll just tell you that I've decided to contribute with this Shizaya story.

I hope it does not turn out very OoC.

Have a nice day or a nice night!

~Itaria-chan~


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

On having turned out to be free of all kinds of tasks, the informant closed the chat room . Because, as he was expecting, none of the taking part users gave to him excellent news that needed his intervention. (Even if that was a request made by themselves as if not).

In front of the dim screen of the computer, Izaya stretched his arms noisily and watched his reflection in that unexpected dark mirror.

Due to his absence of humor, he wondered if it was already time to go to some clandestine doctor's place.

 _I will go when I am ready to suffer from his annoying sermons._

 _For the time being, I believe that I have met a momentary solution._

 _Do not disappoint me, Shizu-chan._

As he had done a pair of hours behind, the informant revised with boring attitude each of his books and, once again, he stopped during a little bit in the severed head of the fairy. Looking at her chestnut-colored hair and squinty eyes, Izaya accepted that it was not managing to separate himself from a bad foreboding.

It was not the first time that he was doubting from his authenticity, his genuine way of life. But it scarcely had time to remain pensive, there was formulated an endless number of questions to which he did not want to give answer.

 _With a little from any reflection, everybody who is not Shizu-chan it might come to the conclusion that it is not possible that two conditions coexist in one: the happy being and knowing the truth._

Izaya sighed and turned on the chair he was occupying for his work.

 _They say that who wonders for his madness in fact can not be a crazy one._

 _In any case, that implies that if there is no madness in one or you are not crazy, one is sane?_

 _Even if it were so, whoever questions his sanity suffers from something, that is out of question._

Izaya notice he had taken between his fingers a playing cards´s card.

Each card represented a human being and, more precisely, his will, whatever it was. A card for every known human and not human at times. In sum, fifty-four individuals, fifty-four wills. Fifty-four old possibilities!

 _My humans, who have ceased to seem amused to me, what can I find in you now?_

 _Deciding to give hunt to Shizu-chan it is to fall very low._

 _But since I would not find anything better to do, in the end, I will end up wondering if I am badly of the head, if I am a lunatic. Following my line of previous thought this is something not permissible._

 _What I know for a fact, is that I love all less to one. It does not matter to me if I love him or not, but his way of life really "irritates" me. It "irritates" me not to know the reason I have for do not love him and... I dislike that absent reason! In the end, my ignorance about my perception of the protozoan "irritates" me._

Izaya went out of his department and directed to the stairs that were leading to the wide roof. He was not afraid that anybody could question him since it was very early and because his secretary would arrive in one hour approximately.

 _Perhaps there is something wrong with me, or maybe I have something different, but I bet it will make me feel happy to know that I was right not to love him when I met him. I want to know that it was not a bad decision not to try to understand his reasons and mine at the time. That is why..._

The informant came closer to the edge of the building and contemplated Ikebukuro.

The sun was rissing in the distance.

 _... Do not disappoint me, Shizu-chan._

 _Our madness depends on you._

Izaya seemed to ignore that something had broken inside of him, but, even if he noticed it, he preferred release it most of the cards that he was taking in his hand. Izaya released fifty three, but he kept the card number fifty four inside of his pant's pocket.

Then, he contemplated his fingers extended on the abysm.

"I love all the human beings and I want to love them forever, with madness or without madness. I love them! I love almost all of them! And, perhaps, if I manage to love you: you will love me back! This is our sickly contract."

The informant grinned from ear to ear and pushed from his mind the endless questions he did not want to answer (out of fear of the impossible coexistence). He ended up sitting on the shore, because, in that place, from above, he thought of himself as a god. One who was very benevolent because he was able to love without judging what was done or said by the world.

In these moments, he considered himself capable of forgiving even the monsters.

...

 **Author´s note.**

Hi!

Did you like the chapter?

I hope you have a great week!

See you soon,

~Itaria-chan~


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

As planned, Namie Yagiri arrived in the apartment an hour after his boss came up with a new and unexpected hobby. It was such a hobby that Izaya was a little sturdy to follow it hastily. To start, the "monster hunt" was something that one need to take seriously.

With a sneer, he said that "besides everything, I am an undecided. _"_

By his attitude he blamed his pride, but he knew he could overcome it.

Without words, the young men began to perform their respective tasks: she began to organize the files of the informant, and he did the same on his computer.

As a methodical person, Izaya decided to plan his itinerary.

 _Where could he be?_

 _If he is not in the offices, meeting him might take some time._

 _I know Shizu-chan is not a guy who can deal with technology._

 _Mmmh. Surely the cause is that the imbecile can break everything he touches, whether he wants it or not._

Izaya smiled bitterly at the possibility that he could get Shizuo to participate in the chat room.

Considering that this was a good challenge, he placed that goal on his previously empty list of tasks (literally, since he wrote that challenge in the back of the card number fifty-four). If the monstrous bodyguard was not willing to have a "normal" conversation with his enemy, the alternative was for the second to try to extract information from him using some alias in the network.

Soon, the monster's enemy would be decided by a different name than Kanra and Nakura.

Namie glanced at Izaya and made no comment, even though she found that grimace suspicious. Still working, Namie claimed that the silence was due to the fact that his boss had other matters in mind, which did not include the removal of her head with biting comments about Seiji.

The informant looked better when he realized he was being watched.

 _Namie-san, you need to give up. You cannot give an idea of what I think._

 _I only know one person who has been able to do it, and in addition, he has refined his technique over the years._

 _Twelve years to be exact._

Izaya had noticed Shinra Kishitani's playing card when he released it on the rooftop, though that detail would never admit it to anyone. Recognizing himself was bigger words, but he did. After all, Izaya was smart enough to know that sooner or later he would visit his friend.

The informant put his coat over his shoulders and slipped on his shoes. And when he had finished getting ready to leave, he wondered if it would be a good idea to get a change of clothes, at least when he went looking for Shizuo. Inwardly, he realized that he was struck by the fact that as soon as he caught his scent, whether it was his body or his clothes, the monster appeared out of nowhere.

Izaya's black outfit might be useful for fusing with the shadows, but never to escape from Shizuo. Before him, neither the dark colors nor his knives were useful.

 _That guy is not someone that should be seen in this world._

 _Celty is an ordinary person at his side..._

 _... and I'm not crazy._

Namie settled into her seat.

 _Wow, Namie-san, what can you find so curious?_

After a few minutes, Izaya rushed outside and wasted no time in telling his viewer why he was leaving. Although it was a simple matter and he a total shameless, he was not able to let go of something like "Hey, Namie-san, I'm about to know why I do not love Shizu-chan. The reason? The reason is because I think I'm losing my mind and I need to not have dead hours."

He could not say that. He could not because he should not allow the performance of third parties.

 _And because I can be crazy, an undecided one, but never a suicidal…_

…

As he walked down the alleyways to Simon's restaurant, the informant remembered that he had not eaten breakfast as God intended (he believed that even though he had taken two and not just a cup of tea). For that simple reason, he hoped that Shizuo was not after him and that he would show himself as he was. Izaya hoped he would show up as a kind man because, as far as Izaya knew about chat room conversations, conversations with strangers and with whom he personally knew, Shizuo seemed to be a "good person" if he was not provoked.

Since Izaya was the main cause of his tantrums, his ignorance of that side of the bodyguard was perfectly explained.

 _I_ _f Shizu-chan does what he does and is considered a good man by those who claim to know him, what could be thought about me? "Izaya Orihara is not a bad guy, except when he has the certainty that he can have much fun at your expense." The problem with this reasoning would be which? What do not they know me? Or does it turn out that destroying Ikebukuro is less immoral than destroying its people?_

"Hypocrites!" The young man muttered, ignoring a pang of pain: "In this world, exceptions should not be considered, but rather the generalities to give any assertion. There is no point in doing otherwise, if someone is a monster, it is simply a monster and nothing else." Izaya fell silent suddenly.

Just as Shizuo leaned on his nose to find him, Izaya forced himself to recognize the smell of tobacco. Now he could smell the scent just around the corner.

The informant wasted no time in climbing up the first fire escape he saw. He tore his pants at knee height, but was able to sit on a ledge, just in time. The blowing wind would dispel Izaya's scent, and when he realized it, from where he thought himself safe, he looked at Shizuo and his colleague with dreadlocks.

 _Let the show begin, Shizu-chan._

 _Prove that I was wrong._

 _Try it and do not drive me crazy._

"Maybe we can sign a contract."

Izaya wiped the blood with the fist of the coat and added to his list to get a change of clothes.

...

 **Author´s note.**

I thank you for reading this story and I also appreciate the Follows ヽ(• ‿ •)

Kisses,

~taria-chan~


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

Shizuo Heiwajima ignored, without being his intention, the offer of his companion about stopping to have breakfast in the Russian restaurant or anywhere else. In the absence of a response, Tom Tanaka did not try to insist, since after years of dealing with Shizuo, he knew perfectly well when it was wise to let him silently reproach himself for his wild behavior.

A few feet away and above their heads, the informant noticed the dirt on Shizuo's suit. The barista waistcoat was torn in half, about to split completely, and the sleeves were filled with dust and blood. But the monster did not seem to have any kind of wound and kept walking as if it were not strange to "brag" about the possession of a titanic force.

Izaya followed the two men without going up to the ground because trying to go unnoticed and not falling off the edges was what he needed to not think about his morning questions (and also to ignore the groans of his stomach).

 _Has Shizu-chan thought that he runs the risk that his attacks of anger will discharge them into a loved one?_

Izaya paused for a moment, then resumed his march, for it seemed to Shizuo that he glanced sideways at where he was walking. Flexed as he was and intent on making the escape (though not forgetting to propose a career to Shizuo if necessary), Izaya imitated a cat with grace.

 _If you have, why do not you leave the neighborhood?_

 _You will realize that human or not human, you are not someone fit to live in society._

 _CRASH!_

Izaya did not lose his balance when a vending machine hit the neighboring wall.

 _Fool._

"Shizu-chan!" Said the informant with a relaxed expression.

"So it's just you, Flea," growled the man.

 _Did you throw that fret without knowing who your target was?_

 _So you would not have minded hurting a stranger?_

 _I do not even think you're such a beast._

"What has betrayed me?"

 _Do not force me to sprinkle something on me every time I want to investigate you._

Embarked by anger, Shizuo did not respond, though Izaya hoped he would. Both ignored the protests of Tom who ended up waiting for the outcome of the dangerous encounter.

Izaya ran from the place and, as always, the monster did the same.

 _If I let you catch me, what will you do?_

 _Would you kill me?_

The young man pushed high school students out of his way, and behind them Shizuo's shouts rang out.

"IZAYAAA-KUUUN!"

"You have a really bad temper!"

At some point in the scandalous pursuit, Izaya stopped to enjoy Shizuo's anger.

Seeing how the man clenched his teeth in anger and kept his hands in two fists, the informant knew that it was very amusing, so much so that the mocking smile that surfaced on his lips, was to a good degree sincere. He smiled at Shizuo and the effect of the gesture was that he tried to knock him down again with the door of a car. The owner of the car did not bother to complain, and he remained crestfallen beside the pair of maniacs.

 _I'm looking for you because it's fun, but I'll never let you catch me._

 _If I die, would not you feel alone?_

 _Hell, Shizu-chan, I could do this all day._

"Tell me, Shizu-chan, are not you having fun?" I do! I'm having a lot of fun!"

"I told you to leave Ikebukuro! Son of...!"

 _"_ You always cut so badly. Maybe you have to push harder. I do not see you very motivated today."

"When I reach you I promise to be explicit." Shizuo looked for a new object to throw.

Izaya looked down the path of a second vending machine and stepped aside with a smug look. Then he ran again in complete ecstasy, still making sure that the number fifty-four remained in his pocket. The owner of the card was on his heels.

When he felt pain in the chest, Izaya foresaw that soon he could not continue circling Ikebukuro. He then managed to reach one of his favorite labyrinths in the neighborhood. It was his favorite because it was barely traveled and complex, zigzagging every two by three. In his teens, when he decided to leave school to visit the place, even he had managed to get lost sometimes.

 _Our first experimental day will have to end right now._

 _Stupid monster._

Inside the labyrinth, Izaya was more confident than before. However, if he had heeded the calls of Shiki from the Awakusu group, which Namie informed him of last night, instead of asking for his sanity, the informant would not have approached the place. To his luck, Shizuo's eagerness to crush him like an insect, or in his words "like a flea," kept him at his side.

In the end it turned out that our informant could not only be crazy, but also a lucky bastard. Due to his bad temper, Shizuo followed the informant, saved his life 'without stopping to think about it', and his own would turn a hundred and eighty degrees.

After several days being harassed, the bodyguard would complain to his friends in the following way:

"The bastard forced me to sign a contract ... But since I do not want him to try to jump around again, he's holding me by the hand! ... He's a damn manipulator, even if he does not want to admit it!"

"No, he's sick."

"He's crazy!"

"Could be. My diagnosis is that he suffers from depression and not madness, at least not yet. Where are you going, Celty? My heart can not bear your absence!"


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

At first, the informant did not understand what was happening around him.

When he raised his face, the first thing he knew was that he was lying in an alley and covered with ashes. Then he looked at his bloody palms and a shallow cut on his leg. He did not try to move, although he could, and chose to try to understand the reason for his situation.

When he turned from side to side, Izaya discovered in the distance some men who were fleeing in terror.

Between shouts and grunts, the men passed near Izaya and he managed to catch them speaking in Russian.

Izaya sat up. As he realized that his environment was suffocating, he caught the fire that was taking place a few meters from where he was; through the windows and gaps of three buildings fire appeared and the crackling of it drowned the words of those who tried to 'escape'.

 _How…?_

 _Where's Shizu-chan?_

The informant remembered his brief 'first experimental day' and his pursuit with Shizuo and ... nothing more. What happened after that? How had he ended up in this place, having entered the Labyrinth?

Izaya stood up and tried to keep the people approaching him from paying any attention. He realized that he was dizzy, but not enough to ask for assistance of some kind. He walked with a slight limp and hoped to remember soon how he had lost Shizuo and finished a few meters from a fire.

 _I must have been inside or very close to one of the buildings._

 _Otherwise, I cannot explain the state of my clothes._

 _Those men…?_

 _Has Shizuo been responsible in any way?_

 _As clumsy as he is, it would be logical to think about it._

 _How did I get out?_

The informant felt a sudden pain in the nape, but did not stop. Since he had lost his phone he did not call Namie and opted to go to Shinra and Celty's house. He was convinced that the second, because of his constant rounds around the neighborhood and close contact with the Dollars group, would know the matter. Including Shizuo's whereabouts.

Even if that was not the case, it was a good idea to go through Ikebukuro: Izaya could ask the dullahan to do the job of investigating what happened (or do it himself) and, by the way, Shinra would tell him that the probable blow he suffered in his head would not represent greater conflicts than he already had.

 _It would be the second time I ask for a CT scan._

 _The reasons would be very different._

 _The first time was for doubting me, and now for whatever has happened._

 _He was there with me._

 _I know._

 _Where did he go?_

 _He escaped, that's for sure._

 _The question is why?_

 _Why did the monster ran away?_

The informer stopped his way to consider in some detail the reasons that could surely keep the bodyguard away, if in fact he had been with him: 1) Shizuo left him to his fate and left. And some stranger helped him out practically unharmed, or 2) Shizuo committed a reckless action, acted on instinct and saved him. Which would surely be enough reason for the monster to be embarrassed. Maybe he was a coward who was unable to let him die or in fact the people were right and Shizuo was noble and good-hearted.

 _Although I do not like to doubt my humans, I can be stubborn and say that Shizuo expects to be him and not another to assassinate me (the third option). Someone would say that is twisted, but I that is something worthy of admiration. We must take our convictions to the limit! We must be immoral and achieve what we seek! I have to love them...!_

Izaya rubbed his neck and looked suddenly disappointed.

 _Shizuo will be more stupid than I thought?_

 _After all, charred dying conceals most of the tracks._

 _Ha! The protozoan has missed a perfect opportunity._

 _And unfortunately for him, my experiment must continue._

Izaya continued his way, unwilling to change his plans. Unfortunately, little time would pass for his fragmented memoirs to move him to the place he hoped he would not know or even name.

 _No matter what Shizuo is, what matters is that I remain being Izaya Orihara._

 _I am Izaya Orihara, an informant..._

 _Nothing else._

"Nothing else."

...

A few blocks from the crackling trio of buildings, and struggling to keep calm despite the sound of the sirens, Shizuo drummed his shoe in a nervous attitude.

 _Why did not I let the fucking bastard get screwed in there?_ _»_

 _Fuck!_

 _This is bad. Very bad._

 _I want him dead._

 _I want to see him die._

 _I want to kill him._

 _That ... that's what I want._

 _I have no doubts about it._

 _But…_

"Dammit!"

The bodyguard roared without caring to frighten more than one, and after thinking that the Flea soon knew that he, Shizuo Heiwajima, avoided his death, he chased a second car.

 _What the hell did I do?!_

 _I saved ...!_

 _... Izaya Orihara._


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Izaya did not knock at the door immediately, for through it came the scandalous, and apparent, 'monologues' of Shinra.

"Of course I would be able to eat anything that my beloved Celty prepared to me! How can you doubt it? Besides, it's only half burned... No, I do not feel obligated at all. Hey, Celty, leave it there... It's not necessary I'm already late..." Izaya put an exasperated look and then announced himself by knocking on the door.

"Who has thought that it is to believe that it can interrupt the breakfast?" He heard Shinra murmur as he walked down the hall. The doctor turned the latch and opened the door.

"Shinra."

"Ah, it's just you, Izaya," said the young man in glasses without the least enthusiasm. Nor did he seem to find it striking that his "friend" had a bad appearance; the informant had not bothered to remove the ash from his face and clothes, but if he had bought bandages in a drugstore, so that both hands were covered and his wound in the leg, although insignificant, did not appear in sight.

 _Yes, it's just me._

"Those are ways of treating visitors?" Izaya said with airs of having taken offense

"This is the most you will receive from me. Why are you here? You are injured?"

"A bit."

"It's a shame."

"Hypocrite."

"You said it. What do you need?"

"I must ask Celty a favor."

The dullahan peered out into the hallway, but it was not long before she stepped into the room again to provide privacy for the other two. Izaya greeted the fairy with one hand before continuing the conversation with Shinra.

"Do you know about the fire that took place a little while ago?"

Shinra raised an eyebrow.

"Knowing the answer is not your job?"

"I was there, but I do not remember how it happened."

"Surely you are aware that I am not a hypnotist, a fortune teller or anything of the sort. If you do not remember, be patient. It will come to you," he suggested in a nonchalant tone.

"And I thought that coming here could be a great decision."

Shinra smiled as he placed a hand on the doorframe.

"I do not believe you at all. If you wanted to give a job to my beloved Celty, you could send her a text message instead of coming here (Shinjuku is not a place I would call near precisely). Besides, I see that you are not in need of my services as a doctor, so ... why have you come?"

"Well, you're as perceptive as ever."

Izaya assessed the inquisitive look but not worried of the other.

"I came to say hi, I was in the area and not in Shinjuku," he excused himself.

"Your greetings have been received." Shinra made a gesture to close the door.

"If Shizu-chan passes by, let me know," Izaya said, stepping back before Shinra locked himself in the apartment. Apparently, it was unpardonable for Shinra to have someone interrupt him when he was having a nice time with Celty.

Izaya remained for a few moments without moving from its place.

"I suppose it is a relief that I do not appear to be posing me any dangerous ideas."

The young man walked away, listening to the doctor's laughter again.

 _You're a lousy friend._

 _But who can blame you?_

 _After all we live in completely different worlds, perhaps opposite._

 _I love you all and you only one. You love a monster._

…

On having returned to its department, Izaya managed to hide his frustration. Or so he thought until Namie made him a cup of coffee without seeming irritated by her secretarial work. Later, the young woman accepted to fulfill an order that did not correspond to her habitual tasks. Both gestures were the equivalent to awarm smile on the part of any person whowas not any of the "extravagant" acquaintances of the informant, or, said inother words, of its forty three discardedplaying cards.

The fifty-four card, which had been saved despite all the hustle and bustle, was still in his pocket.

"Have you had a good time?" The informer asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yes, you could say that. If I compare it with the one you had."

"You're not mistaken, Namie-san. I had to suspend my new entertainment."

"And which would be if it can be known?"

"Know the nature of Shizu-chan."

Namie kept a neutral expression.

"I thought you considered him boring."

"Maybe I made a mistake."

The woman shrank of shoulders and rose at the second level to take the measures of its next buy.

Meanwhile, Izaya activated the chat session to realize that Celty Sturluson had accepted the work of finding out the origin of the fire (and, incidentally, the possible intervention of Shizuo). The promised pay was excessive, even by the standards of the informant, but the fairy did not insist on knowing what was the interest of her employer and he did no say it.

 _If I told her, the carrier would probably put Shizu-chan on notice._

 _Some humans take care of each other, so it would not be surprising if the monsters acted in a similar way._

Izaya looked at the card and ignored the bloody bandages that still appeased the pain of his palms. Although I could not say he wished did not feel it ... for some reason.

"Do you want it in black?" Namie asked, coming down the stairs.

"You have to ask? I will be outdated in my appearance, but I choose black. Black is a good color to hide what you want," he murmured as he wrote a list of names on the card.

Namie left without adding any comments.

As his mood gradually faded during the day, Izaya chose to remain out of the streets and to advance the imposed work and other secondary tasks.

 _Having grown up traditionally, it is easy for me to imagine Shizuo wearing a yukata or with some added to that ridiculous barista suit..._

 _Would a scarf be a hallmark?_

Izaya swayed reluctantly in his chair before standing up, and though he planned to spend the rest of the afternoon at home, he dressed in his overcoat that would soon cover a black red-rimmed T-shirt.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

After pulling a bottle of milk from the refrigerator, Shizuo slammed the door and rang through the house. The remaining bottles clattered as they collided with each other, but the bodyguard did not take the time to check if he had broken any. He drank the contents of the bottle (his late breakfast) in one swallow, then he dropped into the large armchair in the room.

Because Tom had quarreled, albeit diplomatically, for committing shreds without reasonable excuses ("Being who you are does not justify damaging the belongings of others under any circumstances..."), Shizuo had the rest of the day off.

This was a matter that overwhelmed him enormously and angered because, in addition to being ashamed of his lack of composure, he had yielded to paying the damage to the two cars he destroyed just by having met Izaya.

 _Topping Izaya is a "reasonable excuse" to piss off, look wherever you look._

 _The Flea is a plague; when he lets, himself be seen, one can bet without fear of being mistaken that some undesirable situation will happen. He's a bastard that only causes trouble._

Shizuo grunted ("but that did not stop you from saving his skin a while ago," he said to himself) and lay back down, using his arm as a pillow. He certainly did not seek to dedicate his thoughts to Izaya, but it bothered him even more not to understand himself. If the hatred he felt for the Flea was true, in fact, that was the case, and there was nothing to consider in that respect, what prevented him from turning a blind eye and pretending that he did not hear of the Flea's mishap?

It would have been beneficial for Ikebukuro to act in that way.

Beneficial and cowardly, but would be best for most.

 _Now that I think about it, what did Izaya intend when he approached me in the morning?_

 _Maybe he just wanted to make me rage, as usual._

 _I hate that bastard._

"I'll kill him as soon as I get a chance."

Shizuo maintained that conviction despite bringing to his memory that explosion that preceded the fire and the vision of an unconscious Izaya. The bodyguard grudgingly acknowledged that he would never have forgiven himself for abandoning him on the spot. That, no doubt, said more than he always knew his friends and even himself.

 _Now that the_ ' _damage_ ' _is done, it would be the best to leave it for peace._

 _The Flea also will not broach over this while it must earn the hatred of Ikebukuro._

"That matter of 'loving humans' is a big lie. I cannot even believe that he thinks like that. Maybe he does not, but who wants to know what there is under that odious smile that he puts every day?

 _My life would be perfect, or almost perfect, if only Izaya would disappear from it._

 _And the best thing would be that I could not remember either._

...

On Sunday morning, Shizuo came out of his reverie when he heard a knock on his window.

He got up from his seat and ran a hand through his hair without combing. In fact, Shizuo looked very disheveled from head to toe, but what could it matter as he looked if he was free from curious looks?

On the window sill, the informant greeted the bodyguard.

"Flea?" Shizuo looked puzzled because he did not speak in the serious tone that Izaya knew to end up hurting his throat every time he screamed (especially at him), leaving him hoarse. But the impression did not last long. Shizuo regrouped and tried to reach any object to throw at the intruder.

Izaya managed to enter the house and go under the monster's raised arm. He held a chair, ready to strike the Flea with it.

"You are a savage, monster."

"Shizu-chan, are you planning to use that against me? If so, why?"

"Because I want to kill you, that's why."

The chair was reduced to a pile of splinters when Shizuo missed the shot.

The slippery target laughed.

"I think you're out of practice!" He said, dodging the other man a second time.

"Die!" Exclaimed Shizuo, losing furniture for every second that passed.

When he found no more chairs or tables to throw, Shizuo stopped. He had no intention of throwing himself into his own house. Besides, he was surely setting up a scene quite ridiculous and enjoyable for his enemy.

"Now will you let me speak?" Izaya said to the other end of the room. He smiled when, in complete calm, he could contemplate the armed disaster.

"What do you want?" Asked Shizuo.

"I want to ask you a question." Izaya linked the ribbon around his neck with his finger, because being calm had the opposite effect in Shizuo and that made him in a better mood.

"..."

"Why did you save me yesterday? Ah, by the way, your life is a complete cliché. I mean, look at this pigsty! This place is the typical single man department."

"What…?"

"It's the truth, and your attitude has not improved the affair, has it?"

"You have five seconds to get away."

"Are not you going to be reasonable?"

"One."

"Are you going to evade the issue?"

"Two."

"Do you regret what you did?"

"Three!"

Izaya managed to get safely, but not the wall that received the full fist of Shizuo.

"You're not even congruent, you said five seconds!"

"Four… FIVE!"

 _I will not hesitate to kill this bastard again!_

 _Shizu-chan do not look like that. It's not my fault that I know what you did._

"You chose to save me, no one else. You must deal with this."

"Let me correct my mistake."

"If you like that, you can try. But I will not leave without answers."

…

 **Author's note.**

Hi everyone!

Thank you to all the people who read this story.

As you may have noticed, English is not my native language, so I apologize if there is any mistake. I will do my best.

Have an excellent day!

I send you my regards,

~Itaria-chan~


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

* * *

The need to keep his new target afloat made Izaya force himself not to be disappointed by Shizuo's ways, although he admitted that he felt something similar.

Not caring that Izaya meant that he did not seek to fight, the other behaved as if he had resigned himself to think that his "declared enemy" -Izaya would not qualify the bodyguard under those terms- could not do anything if it was not with the intention of damaging others.

 _You're stubborn, Shizu-chan._

 _Obviously, I cannot find it unusual for you to distrust me, but try to crush me with the refrigerator just because I question your actions is... monstrous._

The informant sat on the roof of a building next to Shizuo's house. And although the first had an optimal view of its ignorant prey, the site was not close enough so that it could notice his presence, or about that was convinced Izaya.

While meditating on the means of which he had or could obtain to advance in his 'investigation', Izaya removed his knife. Admiring the ease with which he could handle it, he stopped at the edge of the blade and then pushed a gloomy thought away. Instead, he preferred to scrub the sore palms on the stone he was sitting on.

 _To this day, Shizu-chan thinks he must deal with me until either of us yields, surrenders. If he knew that something like that can happen without him doing anything, or doing it unconsciously, how would he react? Is he a good person to behave differently with me? Shinra will be there, even with everything. I know that well._

Izaya glanced sideways at the unwashed bandages and the dried blood that had formed on both palms. Of course, now it was a partial layer since the rubs of his hurt skin with the material of the roof were not to get along, but Izaya could not care less.

 _Shizu-chan has already made it clear to me that I must answer my questions without facing him, at least in the beginning. He has no idea how patient I can become... Even if I must divert my resources and use third parties, I will know in the agreed term what made him act like he did years ago and especially yesterday. Then I can think of my reasons and... accept them or not._

Izaya put away his knife (careful not to damage the surviving card), stood up and, in the distance, caught the prey leaving his home.

Izaya smiled.

 _We will be seeing ourselves, day by day, monster. Like it or not._

 _I have no choice, because I consider my life valuable._

 _I have thought so for a long time._

The informant did not follow Shizuo and returned to Shinjuku.

"I hope we have enough days ahead," Izaya murmured.

...

Celty hesitated a moment before dealing with Shinra a matter that had kept her restless for much of Saturday morning and Sunday. But, since the doctor made no comment at the time, Celty told herself she did not have to worry. However, the past visit of the informant aroused her curiosity.

The fairy sat next to his companion, who, judging by his frown, seemed to be submerged in a series of papers that concerned work.

"Is something wrong, Celty?" Shinra turned his attention away from the mountain of binders and turned completely to his lover because, when it came to Celty, the rest was irrelevant.

[Izaya mentioned Shizuo yesterday and then gave me the job of knowing the origin of the fire where they were apparently both.]

"Yes, that's what I understood." Shinra reached for his coffee cup and, seeing it empty, sighed. "Ah! I thought Shiki-san's business was annoying, but now I'm really upset. What is the interest of my beloved Celty for Izaya?!"

Celty shrugged in amusement.

[He came here; that's weird. Maybe he was hurt...]

"If he had asked for my help, I would have taken care of him, but he gave me the impression that he could not give me his real interest. I did not insist because we were having a good time (could not be different if Celty was by my side!)"

[I think you were a little harsh, being that he is your friend.]

 _The only._

"Izaya is not like the rest. He is not offended so easily even if by his ... Hum, let's call him 'sensitive nature', he tries not to get involved meaningfully with others. Celty's concern has already been clear to me. If Izaya comes back, I'll try to understand what he was looking for, but you know what he's like. Izaya Orihara may not say much, but most of the time ends up making everything work out for his convenience."

Celty nodded with inadvertent reservations and then set about talking in line with Anri Sonohara and, if possible, Kanra.

Instead, Shinra decided to continue the report of a drug that was recently used in the underworld to deal with inconveniences (as expressed by the executive of the Yakuza organization). Although the young man wanted to expedite the order, he ended up distracted and suspicious that perhaps he should not have ruled out the possibility that his friend had wanted... his help?

 _If that were the case, he will return. Although I have my doubts._

 _Izaya is able to solve and cause problems with an impressive ability._

 _He has shown me that for twelve years._

…


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

The informant continued writing on his computer, not realizing that he was scrutinized.

To tell the truth, Namie found it odd that, as the days went by, Izaya would remain for a longer time in his apartment than wandering the streets. In fact, the few times Izaya left his desk was when he decided to harass Shizuo, following him without his knowledge (most of the time, otherwise, both managed to win the hatred and fear of the city).

Exasperated, the woman let out a sigh and left the place without letting her boss know.

 _Maybe Ikebukuro enjoys this new attitude, but it makes me nervous._

Izaya barely looked up when he heard the door close and then ran his fingers through both palms, still raw.

 _Shizu-chan is a hopelessly routine person: he eats breakfast every day (milk, huh?), goes to work, bangs anyone who gets in his way, eats and complains with his sempai, repeats what he has done hours before during the collection of debts and returns to his home ... And we start again._

 _At this rate, I will conclude that his so-called_ _'_ _goodness shows_ _'_ _are reduced to when he meets his acquaintances, and among them I cannot include myself._

Izaya stopped hurting his palms when he read the words on the back of the playing card.

 _Hum._

 _Is it time to resort to other means...?_

The informant gave a look at the logos of the chat room, but finally shook his head.

 _When I use_ _'_ _Roppi_ _'_ _it will be because I have decided not to try harder._

 _What I hope is not equivalent to a surrender on my part._

 _It would not be smart to use it yet._

But, even when he set out to keep up with what was said, Izaya opted for the latter.

The reason he had was none other than the tiredness accumulated during the last two weeks.

And maybe something else.

Izaya's attention rested on card fifty-four, though he thought in other two.

Then he hummed and closed his eyes.

"Tic Tac…"

...

When she returned to Shinjuku an hour later, the look of Izaya did not please Namie, but she did not spit it out. The woman simply placed on the desk beside a computer a bag with an order of smelly tuna (which, in her opinion, was anything but appetizing). For Namie's sake, Simon remembered exactly what each of his clients used to ask so that she did not see the "painful" need to ask the informant directly.

Even so, she knew that Izaya would find the gesture striking.

Namie was right.

"Without considering your brother, I did not think you could care about anyone, whatever the reason you have, Namie-san," said Izaya looking at the contents of the bag.

"It's not about that. If you want an explanation, I'll tell you that I'm just trying to keep this job," she said and then could not help but comment on a recent trait of Izaya: "Now that you've reduced your meals to only one a day, I do not find it so annoying to get it," said Namie, dodging the other's gaze.

She did not comment that Izaya reduced at the same time his few hours of sleep.

"And yet you went not only to Russian Sushi, but you also made sure you got the food to my liking. That, because you expect that I cannot refuse to eat." He smiled, but without much enthusiasm and paused.

"There are no reasons why you should try to maintain your work. You are effective and you will remain so. And, above all, my present interests are far from the originals, but it is not as if I would respond in a rush if it is true or not that there is something else after this life, Namie-san."

"I'm going to believe you," Namie said, folding her arms. "Even so, do not expect these comings and goings to come from my salary. Your needs will be kept for your money, so I suggest you do not keep rejecting the jobs Shiki-san offers you. Between yesterday and today you met the option of accepting at least four."

"Namie-san, you're really selfish."

"You do not want me to begin to deny being your secretary; only me will be obliged to attend to your whims, which I cannot describe otherwise but as 'childish'."

Izaya was silent for a few minutes and not because he thought himself threatened by her comments. He did not reply because of his lack of encouragement and how little he cared about Namie's assessment.

 _The only person I consider to have a voice similar and of equal weight to mine did not indicate that I was out of my mind. So, I do not have to pay attention to others…"_

After completing the above, Izaya prepared to eat.

"Anyway! Taking another matter, sit down. I must discuss with you the way we will approach Shizu-chan," Izaya said after tasting the tuna. It seemed a bit insipid, but he forced himself to eat most of it.

Namie waited for Izaya to continue explaining because she did not like the tone with which he said 'us'.

"Shizu-chan is very accustomed to rage every time I approach, so what I cannot know by observing, we will get through what that imbecile tells us."

"Eh? If he cannot even see your face, I doubt it will open with you."

"Obviously, he will not know it's me."

"That means you're going to cajole him using the chat room or something like that."

"Very good. We already have your next assignment."

"What…?"

"Yes, you will talk to him and I will follow the monster on the physical plane. The idea is not even elaborated, but Shizu-chan is not so keen to realize. I estimate it will serve for a few days."

"My question would be, and I'm not accepting to help you in this! how will you get Heiwajima into the network?" She said, knowing the rough manners of the bodyguard.

"Because soon he will have free time, just as I have."

Namie did not seem to understand.

"Let's be patient and cross our fingers because the protozoan is not." Izaya left half the tuna, but Namie was satisfied.

"I discard Kanra as an option. Will you use Nakura or Chrome?"

"Neither of the two. I'll use Hachimenroppi."

"It's a name too long", _and weird._

"Then it will be simply Roppi."

"You should go to see Kishitani."

"Why?"

"For too many reasons, but especially because the cuts on your palms are still open," Namie pointed out hesitantly.

"Since when did you care about these little things?"

"Do not get the wrong idea. Whether it hurts you or not, or if it is bad for you in any sense, I do not care. But the one that cleans this place and everything inside, it's me. I would have to tell you how you leave the keyboard and the desk!"

"If you're looking to 'unload' yourself on someone, Namie-san, it's best if you agree to follow me in my infantile hobbies: if I'm alive it's Shizuo's fault and his actions sparsely thought, or so he told me the other time. To know if he has been sincere! We'll see."

"Something is not right with you."

"That's what you think? He hid his hands.

 _Maybe you're right._

 _But let's not think about it, do not you agree, Namie-san?_

 _Let us be patient; the truth will come out, for our well-being or otherwise._


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

\- April 26 -

Namie hesitated when she reached Izaya's department because, even though she complied with all the requests, exactly as she was told, the second did not find the results very satisfactory (which meant that he did not leave for four days to the Ikebukuro's streets).

 _Something happened, something that the jerk of Izaya has not wanted to entrust to me._

 _What will Heiwajima have done this time?_

 _I do not deny that the last time he left, Izaya came a little... dismal?_

When she did not find her boss in his usual place and with face of few friends, Namie headed for the roof.

"Izaya?"

She did not move forward and, for fear of startling Izaya, she made herself notice softly. She managed to modulate her tone of voice in such a way that it sounded apathetic, as was her custom.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

The informant did not turn, but nodded slightly, looking at Namie sideways.

"I did not think you'd be here today. It's your day off, Namie-san," Izaya said as if he was not balancing a few feet above the ground.

"True. I forgot it."

" _I forgot it_. Now, I think I'm excited by your words." He put a hand to his heart to give the scene more drama.

"You have not answered my question, what are you doing playing on the edge?" She pushed a strand of hair back to hide the nervous twitch in her eye.

"Nothing, I'm just toying as you say. I like to practice this way; what effort can one make if there is no risk involved?"

Namie said nothing about the blatant lie.

"I think you have too much confidence."

"You think?" Izaya leaned on only one foot and glanced at the fall. "The positive side of this is that, if I fell, the pain would be fleeting." Izaya snapped his fingers.

"Save me the paperwork and follow me. You have work to do," insisted Namie, catching a dangerous look on Izaya's face. It lasted for a moment, but she could not help but notice: "If you go down and save me from having bigger problems, maybe I'll try hard in the chat room, okay, Izaya?" Namie waited for her boss to agree. But, as nothing happened, the woman began to stretch her arm, as if she wanted to offer him her hand.

"Namie..."

"What?"

"Do you think I rushed to judge Shizuo?"

"I do not know. But you'll soon know, right?"

 _Then I was right; something happened._

After putting on a serious look, Izaya again stared at the distant ground and noticed many humans who were passing without looking up to the place where he was swaying slightly, not daring to take another step.

Tic tac…

"Shizu-chan is like the rest: a complete disappointment."

"Izaya..."

"I thought it would be fun to follow him, but what have we discovered to this day? I did not discover anything I did not already know. Shizuo is just someone who professes hate to me. A hate that, in its origins, was unjustified. For years, I gave him many reasons to gain that feeling... There is nothing else to see in him. My fifty-four card can be burned. It's useless."

"I remind you that there are too many people that you could torment and that if we limit ourselves to considering those who live in this neighborhood. Also, if you are looking to meet Shizuo, it is good time to do so. Because he was fired, he does not have the dead hours that you wanted him to have?"

"Namie-san, could it be that you're really interested in Shizuo?" Izaya giggled and put his fingers into the pocket of his pants.

"Not at all, but I'm not going to let go of all the work I've done to keep up with your ridiculous hobby. If you have difficulties you can discuss them with Kishitani or anyone else, I do not care. But decide at once. I'm not going to waste..."

"To argue with Shinra? Maybe it's not such a bad idea..." Izaya spoke rather to himself.

 _Even if he continues to deal with the task that the Awakusu gave him, Shinra may be all ears._

 _If he is not, it's just as good to visit him for a decision._

 _A very important if you ask me. Not only for me but also for Ikebukuro._

 _Or is it better to speed things up?_

 _A step forward or a step back, what difference does any option after having reached this point?"_

"I loved the humans and I wanted to love them all, but some people never let me. And they will not let me either.

"Do not you love anybody today?" Izaya seemed to remember that he was not alone. He found Namie's incredulous voice amused.

"Who knows. I do not know."

"If you love them, everything stays the same. If you have stopped loving them, love them again. Love them all."

"Including Shizuo?"

"Yes. Love him as well." She turned and started to enter the apartment again. "Now stop being silly and try to get Roppi to understand Heiwajima."

Namie waited for his boss's assent.

"Okay."

Izaya smirked before jumping to the center of the roof.

He dropped the card and followed Namie.

 _Shizu-chan do not make me say it again: do not let me down._

 _It was not me who made a mistake. I must not be me._

Izaya stared at the roof for a few more moments.

Tic tac…

 _What did I say ...? Oh, right! It was something like 'I'm an indecisive, maybe a madman, but never a suicide...' I would have to reinforce this belief because, otherwise, Namie-san will end up being the one who strangles me and she would do it willingly and at the expense of her salary. Even so, we cannot offer her that satisfaction as Shizu-chan is no longer a collector (my fault). It would be too cruel of me to take from the monster the most longed for dream he has had... After all, and although the world differs from my opinion, Izaya Orihara is not a bad guy._

 _Shizu-chan will never believe me. But, it could happen, that Tsuki-san would do it one of these days._


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

\- April 22 -

Someone roared inside a modest building that served as a warehouse and office.

"BUT WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY?! AM I SUSPENDED?!"

Tom was the only one who did not recoil from Shizuo's cry and the sight of his angry eyes. Instead, the boss of both, as well as the rest of the office employees began to sweat cold. The boss, though rather cowed, maintained his decision to suspend 'indefinitely' the bodyguard. His voice trembled as he began to explain himself.

"I'm sorry things have to be this way, but for weeks it's been raining complaints about you (more than usual). I must point out that they have not been people we can ignore. It's important people, influential or whatever, who complains about your... manners, Heiwajima-san."

"Hey, boss, there may be some other way to deal with this..." Tom began, but fell silent at the desperate look he's boss had. Clearly giving that ultimatum to Shizuo was a huge effort for him.

"I know perfectly well that people often show resistance to the collection of debts. I do not complain about that point, but destroying cars and dwellings just by... dealing with a person is unacceptable. And especially if such behaviors take place during working hours. To avoid prolonging this more than necessary, I hope you understand, young man."

"Person?! What person are you talking about? If it's Izaya, I'll tell you that the fucking flea carries the demon inside! He will not be the cause of my dismissal! Not again!"

"Again? That I did not know... (On the other hand, correct me if I'm wrong, but did you refer to "this" person as "flea"?) Be that as it may, I've already told you my last word. Further, it is an indefinite suspension not a layoff. We will call you if is necessary."

Shizuo's face contracted to give the impression that a vein was going to burst.

"Stop it, Shizuo. It not worth it," said Tom again, because he did not want his friend to end up in jail for a second time (and less if it was for the Shinjuku informant's fault).

The bodyguard gave way, though much to his regret; he headed to the exit and thundered the door handle between his fingers before it is detached outside the frame. The splinters, which had been blown off by heaps, forced the assembled people to cover themselves.

"Where are you going, Shizuo?"

"I'm going to kill that person," shouted Shizuo down the stairs.

"He does not mean it, does he, Tanaka-san?"

Tom did not take the man out of his error and preferred to follow Shizuo.

"Should I call the police?"

…

Maybe it was a matter of just a couple of minutes, but Tom could not estimate how long it took for Shizuo to calm down and stop his urge to go to the next neighborhood. Tom did everything to achieve his goal, including buying two packets of Shizuo's favorite cigarettes. In his anxiety, he quickly smoked half a pack so that a small mountain of half-consumed cigarette butts stood around him.

However, Tom's efforts were in vain. Both, he and Shizuo became aware of the presence of Izaya Orihara. The man, while still smiling, was talking to Mikado Ryuugamine and his friend from high school. At first Tom thought it was an unfortunate coincidence, but when the informant winked at Shizuo, he concluded that he had been wrong; took for granted that every meeting to this day was premeditated, although Tom could not get an idea of Orihara's intentions. Unless the latter was desperate to end his life, which Tom considered very illogical to anyone who was sane.

"Shizuo!"

The bodyguard did not listen to Tom and went straight for the Flea.

"Shizu-chan! What a nice surprise…! Today you are willing to talk to me?"

Izaya kept his expression calm, even as Mikado and Anri stood at cautious distance from him, ready to leave as soon as possible.

"I'm going to kill you, bastard," Shizuo said, his teeth tight. He looked for a post, some vending machine, or anything he believed would cause serious damage to his target.

 _In any case, they have already punished me._

 _This could not get worse._

"I'm going to break you every bone, you unhappy flea!"

"I admit that I sympathize with your sempai; It seems that you do not listen to what one tells you. Stop your incongruities, Shizu-chan! I know for sure you would not be able to kill me no matter how sincere is your hatred towards me (I can accept that feeling). If you wanted me dead, why did not you leave me inside the building...? He stopped in a half-sentence as he did not wait for the monster to be thrown at him.

Izaya's back hit the floor, and before he could complain about the pain and probably also some broken rib, the monster grabbed him by the neck.

"Do not you think I regret what I did?" Shizuo lifted Izaya until his feet did not touch the floor. The informant brought his hands to Shizuo's in order not to drown. "I told you when you sneaked into my house: saving you was my mistake. I saved you just because I did not stop to think what I was doing."

"Considering the facts... I do not think you intended to kill me. If you repent or do not regret it is another matter... Shizu-chan... My question to you would be, why are you so pissed off? I've been following you for days and despite your tantrums, you did not come near before... Ah! But you destroyed half a neighborhood!"

Shizuo's fingers twitched around Izaya, but Izaya did not shut up.

"You've been fired! Is that why you're riding all this theater? I advise you to let me go because we know where you could end, right? Kasuka-kun could not forgive you! Your sempai can tell you!"

Izaya did not laugh as he tried. Although Shizuo did not tighten his grip - if he did, it would thunder Izaya's neck with a horrible click - he squeezed his hands as soon as he realized its bad condition. Did it look ... skinned?

"What happened to you? That looks very painful, you know?"

Izaya suppressed a grimace. He was right: it hurt to bring the palms uncovered and untreated, and the passage of Shizuo's fingers through his palms hurt so much to moan. But, despite the pain, Izaya decided that the unexpected cruelty of Shizuo was more interesting. He did not entirely believe that he was a monster, but the opposite. His work was taking him in the right direction.

"Hey, Shizuo, if you want to kill me, it's okay... It's okay for both of us. No matter what others say. But do it now. Your indecision makes me sick, believe me. I know what I'm talking about." He managed to burst out laughing because in his mind his words sounded like a bad joke. A joke that only he could understand. He and perhaps Namie who may have been aware of Izaya's uneasiness about his state of mind.

"Shizuo!"

The bodyguard and his captive turned to the third.

"Let him go. Notice what you are doing!" The man realized the blood that had stained the tip of the fingers of Shizuo and the expression of fear that, from one moment to another, assaulted the features of Izaya. Although Tom did not know him and hoped never to do so, he knew that Orihara was not afraid of Shizuo but of something else. But what was important was not to allow Shizuo to act foolishly.

"Shizuo..."

Izaya ended on his knees and leaned on his palms.

Instantly he suppressed a sob and glared at the bodyguard.

"Damn you, monster! You are a complete disappointment!"

 _If I think I was not wrong with you... then I..._

 _If you cannot surprise me... I..._

 _I hate you! I hate you because you do not allow it to be otherwise!_

"As you come back to Ikebukuro, whether you follow me or not, I'm going to kill you, Flea. And if I do not kill you I'll cause you a lot, a lot of pain," Shizuo said lightly. Then he added: "Do yourself a favor and go to Shinra's. You're repulsive enough to have your hands with that unpleasant look." Shizuo wiped his fingers and then pulled away from Izaya as if, indeed, he aroused pure aversion.

Tom took one last look at Orihara before walking to the side of the bodyguard.

Once he was alone (the audience of curious people gave him the same), the informant stood up and struggled a little so he would not reduce his fifty-four card to mere strips of cardboard.

He repeated to himself what soon became something like a mantra:

"Maybe I'm crazy or it may be something different that I have, but I bet it will make me feel happy to know that I was right not to love him when I met him... I will settle for knowing what triggered our twisted relationship. That is why…"

 _... do not disappoint me, Shizu-chan._

 _Give me a little more time. You owe me at least that._

 _I love humans and maybe I might be able to forgive the monsters._

...

 **Author** ' **s note.**

Thanks for reading! Have a great week.

Until next time!

~Itaria-chan~


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

* * *

-April 30th-

Since Celty was not in the apartment because she was attending a recent job, Shinra took the opportunity to continue the work ordered by the Awakusu.

As Shiki had guessed to a few days ago, the compound isolated from some corpses turned out to be toxic and apparently also the cause of their deaths. The doctor did not stop to think about what could happen if the Awakusu used the isolated drug as a new "tool" to carry out its negotiations in the underworld. He only studied under the lens of the microscope the way the toxin was acting.

After an hour, Shinra managed to gather a score of flasks around the microscope, but before he could congratulate himself, someone knocked on the door.

Izaya assumed that the only reason he was invited inside was that Celty was absent, but chose not to mention that detail. Instead, he sat down on the table where Shinra had been working, and Shinra resumed his assignment.

The informant began to tell, without forgetting to give details, his recent company (or hobby) to follow the monster of Ikebukuro, regardless of whether he was accepted by him or the site to which they were addressed. Shinra seemed to find it amusing, but he did not ignore Izaya's deteriorating appearance.

"To have hurt your palms a long time ago, I think they still look very bad." He commented after a glance. "When I'm done, I can treated them. And you should be careful and walk away from the persecution of Shizuo. I can still see the marks of his fingers."

The informant rubbed his neck and smiled as if he was trying to minimize the issue.

"I wanted to talk to him in a civilized way, but Shizu-chan does not listen to reason."

"Are you asking for my advice?"

"Maybe. Would you have any?"

"No. I mean, I could not give you one that could get Shizuo accepted you. If it is true that he has lost his job, I would not be surprised if he ended up breaking your neck. He was about to do it, right?" Shinra settled his glasses on his nose and turned back to the pair of microscope lenses.

He waited for Izaya's retort, and although the informant's tone remained even, the doctor noticed some disappointment on his part.

"Mmmh. You do not think Shizu-chan is so monstrous as to become a murderer by killing me, no matter how much trouble I may have caused him. Which leads me to believe that the "no" of long ago has the aim of protect him and not the other way around. Right, Shinra?"

"You may be right, but you know you will not get anything if you continue to harass him. What do you think you'll find out if you risk yourself that way? Even if you refuse to believe it, Shizuo is just like any other human being. The only thing that makes him different is that Shizuo takes less time and requires less effort in causing fuss. This district gives rise to such behaviors."

"What do I think I'll get? I will keep a hobby and I will not continue to feel disappointed."

Shinra glanced at Izaya a second time, but was silent.

 _Has something happened to you lately, Izaya?_

 _The fact that you have decided to focus solely on Shizuo is something that leaves one thinking._

 _Why did you come here?_

"If you think that way, then we cannot do anything else. I just hope you do not end up giving me more work. It is enough to have to resolve the requests of Shiki-san as well as to attend both of you." The doctor sighed. "I should have thought twice when I introduced you two."

"Even if you never admit the motive you had for doing it, I do not think it has changed. Deep down, you do not regret anything, Shinra."

 _If I could return to our time in Raijin, I would ask for things to have been given in a different way. I would ask for it because I truly regret our disastrous introduction._

 _I would ask that this 'meeting' would have taken place under my terms, not Shizu-chan's."_

 _However, I do not expect Shinra to feel guilty about what might happen._

 _And even if he did, what could he show me that I cannot presume right now?_

"In compensation for your time, I will follow your 'advice'. After all, so far Shizu-chan has not shown any signs of being moderately interesting. If you ask me, I think he's a 'person' that can be told in a few words. Do not you think so, Shinra?"

"Because, for the moment, I intend to avoid fixing broken bones, I'll say yes. You might find a human to play with."

"Maybe. By the way, is Shiki going to pay you a fair sum for this 'clinical trial' or whatever you call it?" He went to the door and kept turning his back to his friend.

"It will be enough to give me permission to fulfill more than a whim of my beloved Celty."

"I thought so. I'll take care of the palms."

Shinra nodded in agreement and the informant left.

 _Like Shizu-chan, you follow an obvious pattern._

 _It's a shame._

...

For the rest of the afternoon, Shinra kept hoping to finish the accepted business shortly, and in doing so, give Celty happiness. However, after arriving at a secluded corner of Ikebukuro, the meeting with the Awakusu did not turn out as Shinra anticipated:

"We agreed that you would give us twenty samples, Kishitani-san," Haruya Shiki said neutrally after observing the contents of the briefcase. "We gave you permission to exhume our men for that purpose. But, if these were the ones you could get, that's fine. I'm going to discount the missing ones, do you think it's a fair deal?" Not getting an immediate answer, and knowing the fear that often inspired in the others, the executive raised his eyes to pose them in the doctor.

Shinra was completely still and apparently lost in his ramblings.

 _I got twenty samples. I am completely sure._

 _Besides, I did not break any; nor in my house nor on the way here._

 _That would have been a problem._

 _That means…_

"Izaya?"

"Kishitani-san?"

What brought Shinra out of his stupor was to hear the ringing of his phone.

The number that appeared on the screen was Namie Yagiri's number.

 _What are you going to do, Izaya?_

 _Have I misjudged you?_

 _You are so wounded that you..._

"We can set the price later, Shiki-san. I have to go!"

No one stopped Shinra when he turned and headed for the exit, without giving any explanation. Shiki paid him his attention, but soon realized the samples with the toxins and what his possession represented to the Awakusu. He did not think about the unexpected flight of the clandestine doctor, since he did not expect it to be related to an important resource for the group.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

* * *

Shinra Kishitani stopped for a few moments at the intersection to catch his breath. As he rested his hands on his knees, he sought to find a logical explanation, or at least not worrying, for the theft committed by Izaya. Did the informant know that the toxin or drug, since it caused hallucinations, was extremely dangerous?

 _Izaya knows._

 _He knows that perfectly._

The doctor wiped the sweat from his forehead and continued the march.

He thought he was suddenly relieved when, after a moment of trotting, he caught sight of Shizuo: the man was leaning on a corner and, as might be expected, he was smoking, but with a calm air (a fact that caught the attention of more than a passer-by). In one hand, he was holding his cell phone and typing as if he were having a conversation.

Shinra ignored the last and stepped forward.

"Shinra?" With bewilderment, the bodyguard looked to reach his restless friend.

"Hey, Shizuo," gasped the doctor. "You will probably end up getting angry if I only mention it to you, but have you seen Izaya?"

 _Did I go ahead of him?"_

 _It is also possible that he does not intend to hurt Shizuo._

 _But there is no doubt that Izaya knows that I would not be slow to realize what he did._

 _No matter what he intends to do, he will soon do it._

 _That means…_

 _Yagiri-san was right._

"Fuck! Did you have to name that wretch?!" Shizuo straightened up as if he believed Izaya's mere mention could summon him. "I'll kill that flea when I see him again!"

"Does that mean you have not seen him recently?" He asked patiently.

Even so, Shinra thought the other would eventually add to his anger, but the bodyguard apparently sensed something was happening. He put the cell phone in his pocket and then inhaled the cigar before speaking.

"He followed me for days."

 _Not paying any attention to anything I said or did to drive him away._

 _But I did not like his grimace the other day._

 _Tom said I was about to cross the line._

"Yes, he told me that."

"I have not seen him for a week. The Flea stopped following me when..." Shizuo stopped and diverted his answer. "The point is that I have not seen him today. What has he done now?"

"Maybe it's not what he's done but what he can do."

"Hmm?"

"Knowing that is useful, I suppose." The doctor turned to the street as if pondering where to go next. "Hey, Shizuo, did he give you the impression that you hurt him somehow?"

 _I do not think it's necessary to ask._

 _Clearly Shizuo did something, even though he did not notice._

 _Unfortunately, I did the same._

"What are you talking about? That plague has been hounding me as if he's been trying to test the ground. Who is fucking half the world is him! You do not have to ask. You know him better than anyone!"

"Are you sure? Did not you do anything to him?"

"I saved his life!" Shizuo exclaimed in such a way that he looked disgusted by his words.

"Right, he also told me about that 'incident'. Could that be the reason for his disappointment? No, there is something else," Shinra told himself as he tried to recall some useful commentary the informant might have said during his last two visits.

 _That's!_

 _He's gone to Raira._

 _Ah, Shizuo, we have acted badly._

 _And the worst of it is that I have failed my word._

 _Did not I tell Celty that if Izaya returned, I would try to understand what he was looking for?_

"Shinra? Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry about your firing!"

"It's an indefinite suspension!"

The bodyguard looked back at Shinra, but did not dare to follow. He convinced himself that he did not care about any matter that involved Izaya if it had nothing to do with him or any of his closest acquaintances.

Instead, he preferred to resume the conversation with Roppi.

The first time they spoke online, Shizuo gave the impression that Roppi, whoever he might be, was an ordinary person and somehow bored. However, it was not long before he changed his mind. Recently, Roppi aroused much interest to him, so that Shizuo found annoying the appearance of Shinra because it seemed that the first decided to disconnect without receiving a quick response.

 _I think we'll have to continue later._

 _What could Roppi be doing right now?_

"As he has been so careful not to tell me much about himself (maybe for that reason I try to speak to him daily), the best thing is that I think what Tsukishima will do. This being unemployed is a real pain."

Shizuo walked away from the site and headed in the opposite direction to the one the doctor took.

...

Inside Raira, the Shinjuku's informant did not bother to face Mikado Ryuugamine. Given that the young man was still in the academy, despite the time, Izaya was right to think that he was part of the student council.

Izaya smiled. After all, Mikado's presence would not be a setback.

"Ryuugamine-kun, come closer!" He called out, keeping his palms full of wounds on the workbench. "Are you a good talker?"

The young man tried to pretend that he did not find Izaya Orihara's presence strange and went into the biology laboratory. Even so, Izaya took notice of his nervousness as soon as it looked at him.

"Are you a good talker?" Repeated Izaya.

"I do not know what you mean, Orihara-san."

"Could you follow me, just as you do in the chat room, Taro?"

"Y-Yes."

"All right. That should be enough. You may serve as my anchor in this reality."

 _The reason? The motive is none other than Tsuki-chan's absence._

"..."

"That is to say, if we think this is the real world, what reason would we take to assume that any experience we have while living in it is false? It does not matter much if people consider that hallucinations and psychedelic dreams are not part of what is real, I may differ. Do not you agree, Ryuugamine-kun?"

"What happened to you on the palms, Orihara-san? You need help?"

"Namely! I may need help, but that is not something we are going to allow ourselves to accept."

 _I want to be wrong._

 _I want to know that I was wrong._

 _Tell me, Tsuki, that I did not understand Shizuo before and I will not either._

Mikado recoiled from the other's expression, but did not leave the room.

 _They've all been hypocrites, and I'm crazy. What more could I be?_

 _If I'm lucky, and if these 'psychedelic dreams' do not consume me, we can find out._

...

 **Author's note.**

Thank you for reading. I send you a hug!

~Itaria-chan~


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

* * *

Mikado Ryuugamine stood still when Izaya stopped talking to him. No doubt the informant thought he was talking to someone 'real' and Mikado suddenly understood what was happening. Of all that Izaya murmured between teeth, the young man only managed to catch one word.

 _Shizuo?_

 _Why 'Shizuo'?_

Although the young man tried to avoid it, Izaya lost his balance and eventually fell to the ground. Mikado looked at the marks his palms had left on the workbench, but he soon returned his full attention to the informant. Would he continue to experience what he called 'psychedelic dreams'?

"Orihara-san...?"

"Izaya! What have you done?" Mikado jumped when Shinra Kishitani entered the lab without warning. But as soon as the young man overcame the shock, he thanked Shinra for arriving just in time, or that was his initial thought. How did Shinra know where they were or something bad was even happening? Mikado could not understand and kept each of his questions in mind.

"Kishitani-san? I-I think Orihara-san was hallucinating before ... he collapsed," Mikado said hastily. He put his hands on the strap of his backpack.

Mikado stepped aside and watched as Shinra dropped to his knees to hold the informant. The young man found curious and perhaps unexpected (even when he was aware of the profession of Shinra), the worried look of the doctor because he did not know in advance that he had an affective relationship with Izaya. He thought of it that way because he read in the face of the doctor the same anguished expression that himself once display when Kida Masaomi decided to face the past.

"Hey, Izaya." Shinra held the informant in his lap, then scanned the room, looking for some 'culprit'. His eyes lingered on the apparently empty bottle, which was at the side of the work table. "Mikado-kun, how much has been taken? And how long since he took it?"

"I... actually... I did not realize... I do not know how it happened," answered the young man sincerely and in a run over. Maybe afraid he would be reprimanded for his carelessness.

"Izaya..." The doctor did not comment on the young man's embarrassment. Instead, he looked at the other, who from time to time gave brief examples of lucidity and, perhaps, of acknowledgment to whom he had arrived.

Looking doubtful, Shinra searched for something inside his medical robe.

Mikado watched as Shinra, without letting go of Izaya, rolled up his coat and black shirt until the informant's pale arm was revealed. Then the doctor managed to inject into it some substance that he hoped was going to work, and as soon as the needle contacted the skin, Mikado looked away.

 _It was fortunate that I did not think to give it to Shiki-san_

 _And that I am quite serious with my orders and very curious._

 _It was not my job to find a way to counteract the drug._

 _Half the work is done, that's why you must be lucky, Izaya, okay?_

"Everything's fine, he'll be fine," Shinra managed to escape as he waited for any reaction from his friend, just like Mikado. The young man squinted in the corridor in case someone was hovering nearby. Luckily for all, classes were over for a couple of hours and probably only a few students remained on the premises.

 _Whatever has led you to feel this way, it can be solved._

Shinra noticed that something was sticking out of Izaya's pocket, and he soon took a playing card between his fingers. When he turned it over and read what was written on the back, he let out a sigh. A sigh that Mikado thought was not far from being a sob.

"You'll be fine, Izaya. It's a promise," Shinra said in an attempt to convince himself of his words. He shook Izaya in his arms, then turned to Mikado. "Let nobody come. Once the drug works, we'll leave, (I called Celty). I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble!" He added with the smile he always used to display, since he intended to calm the mood.

Mikado nodded and smiled back at him.

Then he looked down at Izaya, who shifted slightly.

"Kishitani-san, I thought he asked for Shizuo Heiwajima. He mentioned his name more than once, although I do not think he noticed."

"Could you believe that I do not find the gesture as strange?" Shinra said with great encouragement, noting that the informant had regained some color in his face. "Izaya is quite a character. When he wakes up, I'll put him under an interrogation. And, of course, this will not happen again."

"Be gentle with him," Mikado blurted out, not quite understanding why his request had been made.

"Oh, I see that you have realized his nature, too, have not you? You know the kind of person he is." Shinra looked at the window before continuing. "Do not worry about him. Izaya will receive what he deserves even if he opposes resistance. After all, that's my job."

 _It's my job as a doctor, but also as his friend._

 _I believe it now more than ever._

 _Maybe it's a difficult matter, but there are people who care about him._

 _He is a human being rather than an impartial observer._

 _I know what he thought to have decided to come here, above all possible places._

 _What I do not know is why?_

 _Did he act this way because he knew I would notice?_

 _Or did he because he thought that even knowing it, I would not do anything?_

"What did you see, Izaya? You'll have to tell me sometime. What Yagiri-san has told me can make me suppose what is happening to you. Even if you hadn't noticed."

 _What could I have done?_

 _I understand very well why he runs away from others._

 _I sought to be his friend and still respect what he thinks._

 _For twelve years, it was that way._

 _But he seems to have been hoping to jump for days and now this._

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Izaya"

"Jeez, I'm wrong, Shinra...?"

Shinra did not dare to confront his friend. Not yet.

"No."

 _I want to think that._

"Be patient... the truth will come out."

 _For our good... or maybe not_

"I'll be patient if there's no remedy. However, let's not go into the matter any further, Izaya. Tell me, are you short of spirits?"

 _Or more precise, do you feel afflicted? sad?_

"..."

"Izaya?"

Mikado found it painful to understand Orihara's expression and turned uncomfortably.

 _Orihara-san is like the rest._

 _He is a human being._


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

When he awakened in his five senses, the first thing the informant noticed was that his hands were bandaged and that someone had put a layer of ointment above his palms.

 _So, I came back in one piece._

Izaya managed to get up to sit on the bed.

"I think you gave Mikado Ryuugamine a fright."

"He cannot help being a nice guy." He gave a giggle. "He is kind even though he knows that I intend to manipulate him and others... Has it been a long time since we left Raira?"

"A couple of hours." Shinra answered before placing a tray of food on Izaya's lap. "If you do not refuse to eat, I will have no reason to talk about what you have written in a certain card." Shinra said that in a smug tone. Izaya stared at the fifty-four card between the doctor's fingers, but he restrained himself from claiming it.

Instead he chose to start eating and Shinra smiled contentedly.

"I'm going to charge you the sample you took. Shiki-san was very clear in his request."

"No matter what might have happened, Namie-san would have given you the right amount."

"I'll look forward to it. Now, I ask you, what do you think will happen?"

 _Do not seek to flee. I have promised to Mikado and you, Izaya._

"You ask what I think?" Izaya said without a smile.

Shinra said nothing and waited for an answer.

"I do not think you would have to take your life too seriously."

"Hmm?"

"Life is just like a game, Shinra. A game is the perfect analogy for life: in both there are rules to follow, there are players, there are gains and, of course, there are also many losses. It's a cost-benefit game. That is why one would have to take this matter more lightly. After all, and regardless of whether we are human or not human, it is not possible for us to come out alive from this game."

 _If the rules of this game do not change, I will end up getting bored._

 _The three-month deadline has not yet expired._

 _What could Shizu-chan show me now?_

"Since when do you speak with so much apathy of life and death? You're right: life is a game. A dangerous and brief, besides. Is not that enough reason to justify its worth?"

"Since when have I sought to follow the monster of Ikebukuro?"

"Izaya..."

"My madness depends on Shizuo and no one else."

"I do not think you're crazy."

Izaya grimaced.

 _I do not think so either, but..._

 _Of all possible options, madness does not seem to be the worst._

 _Could it be that the 1% and its counterpart, with which the monster has evaluated me some time ago, will follow me for a little longer? Maybe it's possible to change those numbers._

"Would you help me to find a winning strategy, Shinra?"

"I can try. Who do we play against?"

"One is Shizuo, the other is called Roppi."

"If you seek my help, you must cooperate with me. Tell me, why did you take the drug?"

"I wanted to remember. Just that."

"To remember?"

 _I think I know him better than I would like._

 _What shall I do with him?_

 _I cannot make a second mistake._

-Hours before-

Izaya stopped dead in the middle of the hallway of the academy, when he saw Shizuo Heiwajima in the distance; the young man was coming down the stairs, his face serious, his hands inside the pockets. As he followed him closely, Izaya could not help forming a broad smile on his face. He smiled for having that image of Shizuo dressed in Raijin's uniform.

The young Shizuo was joined by Kyohei Kadota and Shinra Kishitani.

As it was his goal to hear what the trio of students was saying, Izaya hastened the pace because he thought that his intervention would not suppose the fading of that memory or experience that was undergoing. Izaya stood in a corner, almost crouching.

However, he was greatly disillusioned that he could not make sense of anything his classmates were saying. He chose to watch them closely and his heart suddenly accelerated.

 _Tell me something I do not know, Shizu-chan._

 _What good would it be for me to risk it, if I can not see it from another angle?_

 _You will not talk to me, will you?_

Seeing himself alone, the informant saw Shizuo move away from the spot and tried to remain calm.

 _What has brought me here is my need not for a human but for a less complex being. I need a less complex and more irrational being. I need to..._

Izaya could not help himself for a moment longer and ran after the monster.

 _Shizu-chan._

 _Shizu-chan._

"Shizu-chan!" Exclaimed Izaya, seeking to reach the monster of Ikebukuro, without success. "Damn monster! Came back! Shizuo! There's something I need to know...!"

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry, Izaya."

The informant was slow to recognize the room where he lay, in Shinra's arms.

 _I also made a mistake._

 _I got it right by trusting you._

 _How can I reach the monster now?_

 _Would I trust him?_

 _Should I still trust that I misjudged him?_

"Jeez, I'm wrong, Shinra...?"

 _I do not think I want to know._

 _I need Shizu-chan to make his move._

 _Even if he does not want to accept that..._

 _It would be very boring not to continue with this unhealthy relationship._

"No."

"Be patient ... the truth will come out."

 _Who will tell us this truth?_

 _Shizu-chan or Tsuki-chan?_

 _Who will be told?_

 _Me or either of you will prefer to whisper a secret like that to Roppi._

 _Whoever is Roppi._

"I'll be patient if there's no remedy. However, let's not go into the matter any further, Izaya. Tell me, are you short of spirits?"

 _I also thought it was something like that._

 _And nothing else._

"..."

 _I'm not sure now._

"Izaya?"

 _What will you do, Shinra?_

 _For the first time, I do not have a solution._

...

Namie Yagiri hesitated before activating the session in the chat room.

The woman leaned on one elbow and bent over the chair that her boss usually occupied to work or to enjoy his various and twisted hobbies. On these, Namie knew that Izaya would be happy if she continued to collect information from Shizuo, but she could not get over the fact that, without knowing the reasons why Roppi constantly changed his mood, the man only seemed to be willing to count of itself when it was Izaya and not she who pretended to be that stranger in the network.

 _They're a couple of idiots. They would have to clarify their differences as soon as possible._

 _They are a nuisance to Ikebukuro and especially to me._

 _I would like to give all my time to my beloved Seiji..._

Namie decided not to enter the chat room, but continued to consider his approach.

 _Playing on the edge and daydreaming is not the only thing he will do._

 _Is it possible that I can get an advantage in the middle of the game?_

 _If I can do it, he'll say, 'I've been a great teacher' or something like that._

After hesitating a few moments, the woman chose to dial the phone number of Shizuo Heiwajima.

 _I'm sure Izaya will fire me as soon as he finds out about this._

Although she was impassive at first, Namie did not suppress a chuckle.

 _Does it matter? If he fires me, I can be with Seiji forever…_


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

Shinra only went inside the room with transparent walls when he had made sure that Izaya was going to sleep long and deep. After all, he has to spend a couple of days at complete rest.

Celty turned her attention away from the chat room and looked to Shinra.

[He'll be fine?]

"Fine?"

 _Yes, he will be fine. But only If he not lied to me when he said he only wanted to remember._

"For now." Shinra said before putting his hands on the desk. "You were right, my beloved Celty: he came here for help. I tried to justify myself at the time, but I think I made a mistake thinking that he is planning something to behave this way. If he has an interest in Shizuo, I doubt his methods will do any good. Although Shizuo saved his life that is no proof that he does not hate him."

[Do not think about what Izaya may or may not be planning.]

[He will not tell you anything even if he needs your help.]

[About Shizuo, I think he would not be able to kill Izaya, but I do not think he can stand it.]

[Because of Izaya he was fired.]

"I'm surprised he's kept that job for quite some time."

[Mikado asked for Izaya.]

"When you see him, tell him that nothing has happened to Izaya, but I must keep him here for a couple of days. He will not give us a problem if we stop him from enter online." Shinra went to the living room. "I'll excuse him to the Awakusu later. I owe Shiki-san an explanation."

Shinra was about to make himself a cup of coffee, when someone knocked repeatedly on the door.

The doctor thought he looked slightly pale as he recognized the short-tempered breathing of the newcomer.

 _How timely._

"Ah, Shizuo, why did you come? We talked recently."

"Stand aside, Shinra. I gotta talk to that fucking flea. It's here, right?"

"No..." Shinra stumbled as Shizuo snapped his fingers over his forehead.

"Leave it there. I do not come to kill him," growled Shizuo, going into the apartment.

Shinra let out a sigh and decided to wait and sit on the couch.

Celty glanced at Shizuo before her friend turned in the hall.

...

Namie: It seems to me that Shizuo suspects Roppi's identity. Be careful.

Namie: Do not prolong your rest. You must work.

The informant hid the cell phone between the sheets of the bed and, because sensed the strides the monster gave (which was why he woke up), he forced himself to look rather cocky.

Even so, Izaya did not try to adopt a more "dignified" position as he did not want to collapse a second time in front of anyone.

"Shizu-chan."

"What is it, Flea? You do not look so good," the bodyguard snapped with a half-smile.

"What do you want?"

"Laugh at you? I do not know. I just thought about coming. Shinra suspected that maybe I had something to do with whatever you did to end like this. You're a real problem."

"Do not give yourself so much importance." Izaya said, irritably. "Your conscience can remain calm: what I did has nothing to do with you."

Izaya did not ignore that a doorbell rang constantly in the room.

His phone had turned it off. So that sound it could only be Shizuo's.

 _You're the worst person for lying, monster._

 _Do not even bother._

 _Are you trying to prove that I am Roppi?_

 _Will you be so sharp as to realize that I am not the only one using that alias?_

 _I noticed you'd rather talk to me. You give Namie very very sharp answers._

"I suppose you're right," Shizuo said with a strange look.

"Would not you have to heed the messages you're getting? I must confess that I did not think Shizu-chan might be able to be moderately 'modern'. Is there anything in the Dollars group that I do not know yet? Things have lain too quiet lately. It seems that Ikebukuro asks for my return."

"You've never left."

"True."

"Stay away from Ikebukuro."

"Your threats are empty, monster. What's done is done."

 _According to you, what does the word "hate" mean, Shizuo?_

 _You were not able to abandon me to my fate._

 _If you conclude that I am Roppi, will you decide to shut up what you think?_

 _Even though I do not find what I wanted to find, it's has been fun._

"If it's to your liking, you think they're empty words, but I would not risk being in your place," Shizuo said before turning around. He did not want to see the grimace of Izaya and preferred to read Roppi's incoming messages.

 _This seems to be wrong._

 _But Izaya is right._

 _I admit it: he's too smart._

 _I can tell Roppi everything that interests him, but I would never be able to do the same with Izaya._

"Why did you come?" Shinra asked as the monster placed his hand on the door knob.

"I wanted to confirm something. And I already did. Sorry for the inconvenience," Shizuo recognized. He smiled at Celty and then headed for his apartment. During the journey, he remained in contact with Roppi.

...

 **Author** ' **s note.**

Very well: we have already reached the middle of the story! Thank you for reading and for the feedback!

~Itaria-chan~


	17. Chapter 16

-May 20th-

Shinra intercepted Shizuo when he found him near the Russian Sushi.

"Hey, Shizuo, we need to talk."

The bodyguard seemed to find the meeting suspicious, but he nodded. Then the two men headed off to a barely crowded place.

"I spoke to Celty last night and she mentioned "Roppi". Do you have any idea who it might be?" Shinra went straight to the point. "I think I remember that she also said that Yagiri-san called you. I very much doubt that she did so under orders from Izaya."

"She told you, eh? I guess I should not be surprised. But I do not expect your advice. I have already chosen to resign myself and let everything go as it has to this day."

"You do not understand! Izaya cannot know about anything like this!" Shinra protested.

 _I cannot let Izaya get hurt like that._

"I'm not going to tell him. Nothing good would happen if I told him that I know who Roppi is."

"Even for some it is trivial a deception like this, and even though it is obvious that you acted for the sake of both, Izaya will not forgive you. Somehow we must make Izaya realize and believe that he has the advantage."

"No. I will not do what you say. Everything will continue as before: I will continue talking with Roppi through Tsukishima and Izaya will follow me as Yagiri asked me. I will not let him jump around or do not know what if you have that concern. Besides, who can assure me that Izaya did not ask Yagiri to tell me that? I'm sure he's able to get us involved in a game of the most twisted. That, just a game, we are for him! We are all part of his playing field! You too! It does not matter if he calls you his friend!"

 _What makes you think I acted for Izaya's sake?_

 _I would have avoided mentioning Yagiri's call._

"Why would you do that?"

"What?"

"Why did you accept Yagiri-san's offer? Did not you find work elsewhere? If you did it because of your unemployment it is very cruel of you."

"Cruel? Do you call me cruel? Izaya is a wretch that ruined my life!" Shizuo straightened up and glared at the doctor. "I should not have saved him that day and now I would have no reason to be after him! But I'll do it! That fucking flea owes me too much. The least he can do is give me work until I find another. It is his fault that I have been suspended!"

"Shizuo, listen to me: Izaya might not care too much that even knowing he's Roppi, you kept talking to him all this time. But he cannot know that it was at Yagiri's request that you agreed to have him nearby. I know you cannot believe that Izaya is a fragile person, but it is true that he trusts you or needs you."

"What did he say or do to you to think that way? Izaya is a manipulator. And I will not believe that he has changed at all. Maybe you're right. Maybe he's in bad shape, but I know he cannot last forever. Izaya Orihara will not stop being Izaya Orihara. He is cruel and twisted. He cannot be different!"

"If you will ask me now, I would say that who is being cruel is not him but another. Leave it, Shizuo. I do not think Izaya drugged himself just to remember certain things. He lied and I will not follow him in his lie. Think what you want, but as his doctor I will not let him fall again. Now, I cannot tell him about the treatment you have made, but I can guide Izaya to suspect by himself."

"Do it then. If I got rid of him I would not regret it."

"I do not believe you. No one who knew what you did would think Izaya is indifferent to you. Admit it, Shizuo: you may think he is a bad person, but you cannot see him die. It does not matter if he runs the risk of doing it by his own hands or by someone else's. You would not stand for something like that to happen. You would not take it because you know how to avoid it. You do not find fun the suffering of others."

 _For a long time that was what saved you from being like Izaya._

Shizuo could not soften a dangerous expression.

"Is there something you're not telling me, Shizuo?"

"Do not overdo it, Shinra. If you think I can cause Izaya to end up doing something weird, I might decide to do what you tell me. But I will do so when I see that there is a risk of that happening, not before. After all, it's fun to talk to Roppi."

Shizuo ended the meeting as he began to retrace his steps.

He showed Shinra his back at all times until he saw him no more.

 _What's the matter with you, Shizuo?_

 _You cannot play Izaya, can you?_

 _What have you kept for yourself?_

The clandestine doctor did not stay for a long time in the street and chose to return to his apartment, completely distracted.

Meanwhile, Shizuo continued to walk a block away, but stopped when Izaya Orihara spoke in an uneasy tone.

"Shizu-chan, what a coincidence to find you here too."

"Izaya."

"What do you do? Or, rather, what were you doing?"

"It's none of your business, Flea. Besides, did not you want to show me something today?"

"I've lost my temper. That can wait."

"If we have already met, why postpone it? Do not try to insist."

 _What's wrong with you?_

 _Would you ...?_

"Forget it, Shizuo. Maybe another day. I have things to do."

"Huh? Like what?"

"They are not of your interest," Izaya replied before stepping away from the monster.

Shizuo did not follow Izaya, but there was a bad feeling about him.

The informant, sheltered in a dark alley, wasted no time in breaking a card. And barely glanced at the strips of cardboard he formed, he left the place.

 _Was not I supposed to trust you, Shizu-chan?_

Izaya took a serious look.

 _Does not matter._

 _It cannot be said that I thought we were friends._

 _You're a complete disappointment._

"I was not wrong."


	18. Chapter 17

-May 5th-

Shizuo waited for Celty's arrival with a notorious impatience.

"Yagiri ... That woman is a real witch," the bodyguard snapped as he recalled the conversation he had had with the Izaya's secretary a few days ago. Because her, he had to deal with a myriad of emotions, a fact he did not think to recognize to anyone.

 _Even if I know the 'situation' of that fucking flea, why should I care?_

 _I should fucking care!_

 _I have no intention of going after...!_

Shizuo spun back and forth, startled, but he sighed in annoyance (and with a certain relief) at seeing what had disturbed the peace: a stout cat walking without paying attention to anything. While Shizuo thought to caress the ears of the animal, the cat bristled its fur. To the site arrived the Motorcyclist without Head.

[What happens, Shizuo?]

Considering Celty's question, Shizuo did not try to elude the motive of the encounter.

"It's the fle... Izaya."

[Izaya?]

[Has he followed you again?]

"Yes, he did." In fact, Shizuo had noticed Izaya because of his scent and had dodged him for a couple of days. "When Shinra told him that he was free to leave the apartment, the Flea continued acting as before. As if nothing had happened, but the woman who works for him got in touch with me."

That revelation aroused Celty's curiosity.

The cat stood on the fire stairs and seemed interested in the conversation.

[Namie Yagiri wanted to talk to you?]

"Yes, she did. And I think her call has dropped me right. She offered me a job. A very unpleasant one, but it's better than nothing." Shizuo was amazed how easy it was to entrust Celty to what had happened. It gaved him the impression that by releasing that, he would be able to get rid of his recent 'charge' of conscience.

Shizuo reached for a cigar.

"She told me to follow the Flea. Maybe she worries that he does some stupid things."

[What will you do?]

"What else? I intend to accept the proposal. If in that way I prevent Izaya from causing damage, I can let him follow me wherever I go. Further…"

The fairy did not like the look of Shizuo and apparently also the cat as it left.

"It's about time I played with him."

Celty hesitated as she began writing on her PDA.

[Shizuo, I do not know what Yagiri has told you, but you must know that Izaya is not the same as always.]

[I fully understand that you have plenty of reasons not to want to help him, but "playing" with him is a dangerous matter. Izaya is ... convalescing. That's why you should not ...]

"Is that what you say or Shinra says? I have never been able to understand why he considers Izaya a friend. My opinion might not have to be considered, but the bastard deserves what has happened to him. Just because he is not lively enough now, why should we look at him?"

[This ... is not something Shizuo would say. There's something you're not telling me.]

 _Sorry, Celty._

 _I know I'll let you down, but ..._

 _There is precisely something that I need to know._

 _And I am so monstrous to find out at the expense of Izaya._

"Forget it, Celty. It was a mistake to get you involved in this. In the end, the matter must be solved by Izaya and I alone. Do not tell Shinra anything, please. I think he has enough problems already."

 _Far from hating Izaya for being a monster, I hate him because ... it's possible that we are alike. And I cannot think that way._

 _But how could I forget to know that I was right?_

 _Under that hateful smile he puts daily, there is 'something' more._

 _And on this occasion, I want to know what it is._

"It's like Yagiri said, 'It's time to have the advantage'." Shizuo turned his attention away from the fairy. "Sorry, Celty, but I will not change my mind."

Celty did not know what to say, and she thought it was the first time she had a bad feeling about her friend. After all, was not it precisely Shizuo who denied his strength and the actions of people like the Shinjuku's informant?

...

The informant did not hide a smile when he spotted Shizuo. Lately he had not been lucky enough to see him, no matter how far he slipped from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro. In addition to continuing with his proclaimed "experiment", he needed a change of air because he did not enjoy the sermons of Namie and Shinra.

"Shizu-chan!"

The bodyguard paused, half-smirking half-heartedly.

Izaya was annoyed, but he did not slow down. When he reached Shizuo, the informant began to run his fingers through the red ribbon of his T-shirt. For his part, it was a quiet action, and on the part of the monster would have a quite different reaction: a complete display of 'feelings'.

"Did you think you'd get rid of me, Shizu-chan?" Izaya said in his usual tone. A mixture of mockery and something that Shizuo had failed to identify, even after so many years.

"No one has listened to me to this day. I had no choice but to resign myself."

 _Will the day come when I can get used to your presence?_

Izaya waited anxiously for some familiar reaction from Shizuo, but soon realized that this would not happen.

 _What's going on?_

 _Why do not you yell at me?_

 _Why are you and I talking and not running back and forth?_

"Izaya..."

 _Izaya? Why Izaya and not Flea?_

"..."

"What are you looking for?"

Izaya put his hands inside his coat and kept a calm expression when he found his doorknob. What was Shizuo in mind? The 'confirming' that he was not Roppi had been a problem for their... relationship?

"You do not look bad. Do you want me to drop on you the first thing I find? Do you want us to chase around Ikebukuro?" Shizuo chuckled when Izaya did not respond immediately.

 _Why…?_

"Get out of here, Izaya. In view of 'your situation' and because of Shinra's consideration, I will let you go. For today." Shizuo turned and resumed his way.

Izaya could not help but follow him with suspicion of the man's attitude.

When the monster took one last glance, a painful chill ran through the informant's body.

"Stay away from Ikebukuro, Flea."

 _Stupid monster, why do you act like that?_

 _It would not be fair, you know?_

 _You know?_

 _I do not have enough energy to cope with a change of routine._

 _Not now._

"Namie, Shinra... Tsuki. They will not be able to do anything for me anymore. That's why I hope, Shizu-chan, that we have enough days ahead. Day by day I'll see you, right?"


	19. Chapter 18

-May 12-

Shizuo walked quietly down the street leading to the Russian Sushi as he intended to ask for an order of otoro before meeting with Kasuka (the address of the meeting point he had written it on the corner of a sheet of paper).

The Shinjuku's informant followed him a foot away, as if it's were 'usual'; during the week, Shizuo had gone from one place to another and most times Izaya had been nearby. Sometimes Shizuo was the one who had noticed his arrival and in others the informant himself had decided to be noticed.

Shizuo wanted to ignore the informant and kept his eyes on the front. He set out to check Kasuka's direction once more, but he gritted his teeth as he realized that the piece of paper had been left in his house.

Because of his carelessness, the monster thought he would ride in anger, but as he turned to Izaya, he stared in astonishment as the Flea, with a half-smile, pointed to the place to which he apparently had to go.

"Take the advice and do not be stubborn, Shizu-chan!"

Then he waved goodbye and left.

Instead, Shizuo stood and tried to pull his attention away from Izaya. However, even as he managed to continue his journey, his thoughts drifted to the informant and he did not care that Izaya knew about the forgotten note. Their preoccupations were of another nature:

"I'm not angry ... I was, but not anymore."

Due to their constant 'excursions' in mutual company by Ikebukuro, the bodyguard had come to a couple of conclusions: Izaya spoke fluent Russian, knew the district like the palm of his hand and that there was no indifferent or scandalous thing that happened that he did not knew beforehand.

 _And the worst of all is that I am perfectly (or moderately) able to control myself to avoid crushing him._

 _Like a flea!_

 _For years, I believed what was said about him, but today I could prove it._

Shizuo stopped and started to smoke.

 _I have been able to keep calm for what I want to know._

 _My attitude towards the Flea is due solely to that._

 _To 'that' and perhaps to the amount that his secretary has given me."_

 _Although I have allowed Izaya to follow me, I do not think Yagiri has any reason to try to keep the Flea under supervision. It does not seem unreasonable to think of the possibility that he is simply bored and has no interest in causing uproar. Although Izaya Orihara will always be Izaya Orihara._

 _Is it true that, as Celty has said, Izaya decided to get high enough to 'remember'?_

 _Bah! The issue of 'remembering' is as important as his love for humans._

 _On the other hand, Roppi is plainly Roppi; nothing has changed with him._

Shizuo let out a puff of smoke.

 _Topping Izaya was a 'reasonable excuse' to piss off._

 _But, it seems now that I..._

 _I get used to having him around._

"Izaya ... what are you looking for?"

"What do you expect to get from me?"

"Do you want the same as Roppi?"

Shizuo looked up at the sky and both arms let them rest on the stone fence.

 _Why I did not allow that day that the fucking bastard was roiled?_

 _I wanted to see him dead._

 _I wanted to kill him._

 _I had no doubts about it and despite everything..._

 _And even if I prefer Roppi..._

 _For some reason…_

 _I expect to see you... day by day._

"Izaya."

...

"Shizuo."

 _Do you have the strong conviction that you are as capable of gaining information as I am?_

 _Even if you try, I can 'see' the real you; at this distance, I see the you that everyone knows._

 _I thought of it as a timely matter._

 _You see only what I want to show you._

 _Can you understand it before the end?_

The informant climbed to the roof of a building and looked at the smoking bodyguard, near a stone fence. Once again, Izaya relied on the wind that would keep him hidden.

 _You, me, there is no doubt!_

 _After all, I was right: I chose to love them all._

 _You're lucky, you're very lucky that I love all but one. Otherwise, I would end up deciding to 'catch up' at all costs. Today I cannot trust my conviction, but I might have said in the past that in exchange for getting that one, I would sacrifice the rest, without even considering it a little. Do you see it now? You're lucky, Shizu-chan!_

 _My letter fifty-four…_

 _... for how much longer will we stand?_

 _Namie's request I do not think I can keep and I do not intend to continue listening to Shinra. So, the decision is yours, Shizu-chan, could you be the one to reach me? I feel very tired and the days ahead do not seem to be enough. In my eyes, it's a pity. But to yours ...?_


	20. Chapter 19

-May 19-

With suspicion, Namie knocked on the door leading to the informant's room.

Unlike what had happened during the first few days of a 'new and unexpected hobby', the informant spent a long time lying on the couch or in the bed. Only when he wanted to follow up on his experiment, Izaya forced himself to stretch out (look good) and go in search of the Ikebukuro's monster.

"Izaya, it's already quite late. Get up; you have to work," Namie said, folding her arms. "If you do not plan to leave today, it would be wise to use Roppi. Your 'hobby' does not seem very willing to waste its time... with me."

Namie insisted on not biting her tongue.

"I admire your effort, Namie-san." He did not try to raise his voice. "But I'm not in the mood to walk around or pretend to be Roppi. Have the day off. Look for Seiji and deny his love for the head of the carrier."

Namie snorted in exasperation.

"Shall I have to call Kishitani?"

Izaya pretended not to have listened to her and turned on the bed. Namie stood for a moment waiting for a reply, but eventually she gave in.

 _Do not make me ask for Heiwajima's help again._

Izaya glanced uneasily at the room and curled up on the bed. And, before sinking into his ramblings, he placed the playing card on the side table.

 _What would Namie-san say if she knew I accepted her advice...?_

 _It was not my intention or it might be. I'm not sure._

 _But what I do know is that, if I leave or not, it does not matter._

 _My 'winning strategy' has not worked as such._

 _Stupid monster, unlike me, you have fulfilled the promise you made._

 _It was something like: 'And if I do not kill you I will cause you a lot, a lot of pain'._

"I have not spent the last few years being what I am just so that…" He sat up straight. "You should have anticipated that it would not take long for me to realize that something is not going as it should! You know something. But it does not matter much. Do whatever you please."

 _I'm tired._

 _Very tired._

 _But if the monster does not give in, I will not either. Besides, it's a matter of holding on for a couple of days._

Tic tac…

After remaining silent, Izaya got dressed and paused a moment to observe his doorknob.

 _I said that 'A step forward or a step back, what difference does any option come to this point? ' Even so, yesterday I promised to show you something ... I want to do it._

Izaya laughed.

 _Stupid Shizu-chan. Maybe you're not as lucky as I thought. I love humans and I always want to love them, with my madness or without it. I love them! For a long time... I loved all but one! But, if I have succeeded in loving him also, he must love me back. He must love me back. That is our sick contract._

 _When I come to show you the 'I' that nobody knows…_

 _Will you accept it?_

 _Will you do what I did, Shizu-chan?_

 _It would be possible, right?_

 _If Tsuki trusts Roppi, could you trust me? And me in you?_

 _Shizu-chan._

...

In Ikebukuro, Shizuo raised an eyebrow when he recognized the stout cat he saw the other day.

"I thought you were someone else," he snapped.

 _Although it does not seem that today he will make an appearance._

"Have you seen him? His annoying as only a flea can be."

The cat meowed.

 _Where are you, damn flea?_

 _I will not go to Shinjuku just to guarantee..._

 _What? The money?_

 _Or did you arouse my interest with that promise you made...?_

 _Will you tell me what you were trying to get at me?_

Shizuo ran his fingers behind the cat's ears.

 _Maybe Izaya made me an idiot like Shinra, did not I?" But it seems ridiculous to think that when he calls himself Roppi he is sincere. I just do not think it's possible. He... Roppi is what he hides under that hateful smile?_

 _That would be a problem..._

 _If Izaya turned out to be Roppi, or if Shinra and Yagiri were not mistaken, would I have to admit that I do not regret anything?_

"I think that his purpose has been the same since that day. He hates information being leaked, however insignificant it may be." Shizuo let the cat go and walked aimlessly.

 _His question was, 'Why did you save me?'_

 _You've wasted your time. I have no idea what reason I had back then._

 _But now I'm waiting for you to come out of nowhere._

 _Now that I think about it, maybe my life has been imperfect not because he wanted to get closer but because I thought it would be best if he disappeared from it._

Shizuo shook his head and laughed weakly.

 _He's playing with me, as usual. He's manipulating me and I cannot try to play against him. The Flea always wins. For that reason, if you tell me that you were looking for... as you approach me and what you are now trying to show me, I will tell you the truth. I'll tell him that I just saved him. I saved him maybe because I do not want to be a monster. Then everything will be as before._

 _I'm sorry for Tsuki, but this is what the Flea wants._

 _This is what I want._

 _I want it that way. We all want it that way._

 _Help me, Izaya. Give me a reason so that I have no more doubts and be what we have been for years. You must remain being Izaya Orihara, that fucking flea. You and I cannot be friends; we cannot understand each other._

 _We can overcome this loneliness._

 _There is no reason to wish that that would be different._

 _Be the same as always and stay away from Ikebukuro._

 _This will be the only favor I expect from you._

"Flea."


	21. Chapter 20

-May 20th-

Shizuo admirably resisted the urge to follow the informant. He needed to know what Izaya had wanted to show him, but apparently, he was not lively enough to do such a thing. And, given Shinra's quarrel, he did not either.

Even so, Shizuo's bad foreboding lasted the rest of the day. And it was of such a magnitude that the bodyguard, not stopping to consider the reason behind the fact that his feet seemed to move on his own and at an impressive speed, ended up in the Shinjuku neighborhood, before the Flea department.

Namie lost some color by being face to face with her 'partner'.

Shizuo held his temper and dismissed his initial thought about how curious he found Izaya's secretary to continue working at that hour. He may have been inclined to think that the concern for her boss was genuine.

"What the hell are you doing here? You're not supposed to..."

"Is Izaya here?"

"Huh?"

 _Since when do you call him by his first name?_

"Izaya, where is he? He came back? I need to know something."

"Heiwajima, I have no idea what has happened, but Izaya has not returned yet. He left in the morning and I think it was to... meet you."

 _What may explain this unexpected visit..._

 _Izaya…_

 _What has he done now?_

 _Or was it you, Heiwajima?_

 _Maybe I would not want to know._

"If that's the case, I'll wait for him to come back."

"Why?" She folded her arms and looked defiantly at Shizuo.

"I cannot do this anymore."

Namie grimaced.

"I thought we had a deal."

"That's how it was... I wanted it then, but we're done."

"Are you aware that the fact that you had accepted was what kept Izaya in his right mind?" Namie asked and instantly smiled as she realized the other's embarrassment.

"What does he plan?"

"Honestly, I do not know. What I told you the other day was the truth. Although apparently, I cannot say the same about you. Did not you say that you accepted the game and be Tsukishima because of having lost your job? If it was not that way, Izaya may not be disappointed in you. But I'm betting you've bundled it, right?"

"I did nothing."

 _What on earth...!_

 _Nothing changed... I did not do anything I had not done before..._

"Yet you are here. I fear it has been in vain that you walked all that stretch from Ikebukuro. Izaya usually disappears on occasions and does not give notice to anyone, including me."

"You do not look very worried about his situation."

"Mmmh... And you?"

"Shut up," Shizuo said between his teeth. "You must have some idea where that Flea might have gone. Make a fucking effort."

Namie frowned.

"You will not be thinking of confessing, will you? If you did, Izaya would not be able to cross you again. At least not with good intentions, of course (it would be everything as it was in the past). He is the type of person who cannot stand losing and likes to boast when he has won no matter what he has had to do to achieve it."

"I already know it! I know perfectly! They all warned me!" Shizuo dropped his fist into the nearest wall. The floor trembled, but it did not seem to matter to anyone.

 _Although there is no way to ensure it, something does not look good..._

 _That face that he has put..._

Shizuo noticed the knot in his stomach.

 _Celty, Shinra... I think I made a mistake._

 _Dammit…!_

Namie did not flinch and spoke in a neutral voice despite the monster's angry expression.

"Do whatever you deem right. I do not intend to be responsible…"

"Stupid flea... Damn unhappy…"

"Heiwajima?"

 _You had to leave today!_

 _Just when I was ready to listen to you for the first time..._

Shizuo breathed in slowly.

 _All right, all right._

 _I have decided._

 _I accept it: I'm as stupid as Shinra._

Shizuo glanced at the executive chair he knew was usually occupied by the informant. He looked around the room and stopped at Namie.

"I know what I said, at that moment I thought the best, the right thing. And I know the reason you had to ask for help. But if I recognize that Izaya is not who I thought I was for years, everything seems clear. And I definitely can not..." Shizuo paused and then added very seriously: "I will be the one who will advance in his game."

Namie tried to remain impassive.

"Then we have no choice but to look for him wherever he is."

"Yes..." Shizuo closed the door behind him.

 _Come back, Izaya._

 _This time I will not take you away from me._

 _You win._

 _Even though you're more annoying than a flea._

 _You'll always be._

...

In view of Shinra's contagious concern (after arguing with Shizuo) and after hours of searching, the fairy was the one who found the informant.

As she had long ago lost her head as well as her memories, Celty did not utter a shout of surprise at the scene at her feet.

Izaya said nothing as he raised his face and saw the black figure of the carrier. He only let out a weak moan as a series of equally dark loops wrapped his arms swiftly and tightly. That way the blood was hidden ...

But the pain remained dormant.

Scarcely had she knelt, and although they were submerged in that darkness, the fairy managed to see something like a smile on Izaya's lips. He soon smiled more sharply as the fairy pushed the springblade away. The angle that ran through the weapon was marked by the blood impregnated in the blade.

"Carrier... Do not you consider that it is a just punishment ... a punishment per surrender to the madness when the same has been done in front of the monsters? If I had allowed Shizu-chan to catch me, what would have happened? Would I have died? Everyone would think so, would not they? Included the monster."

 _I admit it: I have lost._

 _I lost._

 _Although I know it is a complete disappointment..._

 _Although I know that I cannot trust myself..._

 _And no matter how unfortunate he may be starting today..._

 _I…_

Izaya sighed and did not blur his strange smile, not a bit.

"I love that monster."

"I love Shizuo."

...

 **Author** ' **s note.**

Thanks for reading the story! See you soon!

~Itaria-chan~


	22. Chapter 21

**Chapter XXI**

* * *

It did not matter to Izaya that when he regained consciousness he was, once again, in the home of Shinra and Celty. Leaning back on the couch, and before the attentive (and inquiring) look of his friend, Izaya experienced a vague sense of déjà vu. Due to Shinra's insistence on the matter, after having attended to him when he tried to 'remember' in ways that were not at all recommendable, Izaya was about to wait for him to be offered something to eat, which would not be a bad idea because he had lost a lot of weight during the past few weeks.

At that fleeting thought, Izaya wanted to laugh, but instead he let out a protest that did not reflect with 'justice' that feeling that would make one believe that had crystals buried in the body ...

 _Look to you. Even when you are no longer bathed in your blood, you look horrible._

 _It's childish to think about it, but are you getting revenge for my mistake, Izaya?_

The doctor knew with certainty that Izaya internally was seized by much pain. The extent of the damage done by his own hand could not account for anything more than that. Celty had uncovered the wounded skin of the informant so that Shinra would heal him properly, though he thought he read some resistance in the gestures of his friend.

 _If my beloved Celty has not misunderstood your words, have we acted correctly by asking precisely the help of one whom you cannot even consider loving?_

Although they had waited for his intervention, both Celty and Shinra turned in a startled way at the thump that echoed on the other side of the doorway in the corridor ("Speaking of the Devil ..."). Izaya, however, did not blink at all and continued to lie down. He stared at his recent work, and before he lost himself in matters concerning Shizuo, he wondered what might have happened if Celty had taken another moment to find him.

He did not like the scenario that formed before that possibility.

 _I am afraid to die, almost as much as to recognize the reason for which I say and I believe I love humanity, my beloved pawns and all their fascinating wills. I am convinced that I have considered my life valuable, but this subject surpasses me._

 _Was not this what I did not want to happen because of the impossible "coexistence between happiness and knowing the truth?_

 _Stupid and inopportune monster._

 _My card fifty-four._

 _Why did you come?_

 _It is true that I lost, for I have been able to love you, but what it means ..._

 _I cannot figure it out yet._

 _There are too many things I still want to know about you and me._

 _However, I am very tired._

 _I'm tired and I'm tired of repeating myself just so as not to give you more advantage than necessary. Will you be able to realize the reasons I have to do something like that?_

 _I have been a fool and I have betrayed myself._

 _Do you have any idea where I have gone to seek 'comfort' as Celty has told me in her brief interrogation? Only you can try to guess and even hit._

Izaya was slow to notice that Shizuo was looking at him at the end of the room.

Unlike how it happened with Shinra moments ago, Shizuo managed to stifle an exclamation of surprise and it was possible that one of rage at the vision before him: Izaya's arms were, from the wrist to the elbows, covered with cuts. All of different sizes, but equally deeper. And although slightly stunned, Shizuo noticed that, because he had not completely lost his composure, the systematic way in which Izaya was advancing in his arms managed to save him, perhaps intentionally. But there was the possibility that he did not think about it.

The monster turned to the other two, and these, understanding his silent request and, although they were very curious, they walked away and entered the room with transparent walls. They considered it appropriate to continue the matter that Shizuo had interrupted.

Meanwhile, and without thinking what he was doing, Shizuo sat down on the edge of the sofa, and he was within inches of feeling the wounded.

 _Fucking flea, what the hell have you done this time?_

 _You do not have a pinch of color and you do not seem to care..._

"Shizuo..."

The bodyguard raised an eyebrow at the mention of his name, but did not allow Izaya to continue, if that was his intention. Before looking for a chance, he glanced at Shinra, who was reading on Celty's PDA for the moment, and then noticed again the informant's pale face.

 _Something is not right with me, but..._

 _If you still want it..._

 _I am ready to listen to you._

 _That is why I will not turn you away from me._

 _In an inexplicable way, improbable... and twisted...!_

… _I get used to having you around._

 _And although I partly admit that curiosity continues to matter..._

 _I…_

Shizuo leaned down until his lips brushed Izaya's ear and then whispered something that could not be heard either by Celty or Shinra. Otherwise, both of them would have reacted by putting a "face" in awe at what the monster said in a voice perhaps too intimate.

Disregarding what the sudden closeness of the monster aroused in him, Izaya moved away from Shizuo, intending to know if he had been cruel enough to mock him because of what he was now or, more precisely, of what he had allowed himself to be, despite his situation. But when he became convinced of the sincerity of Shizuo, he formed a smile that surprised those present and even managed to form a slight blush on the cheeks of the bodyguard.

Gently, the informant nodded and Shizuo did the same, evidently satisfied (though also quite disconcerted).

 _I cannot promise you anything, Shizu-chan, even so, I..._

 _Maybe this will not work, Izaya, but..._

 _I can try. I'll try for Roppi._

 _I must try. For Tsukishima._

"Until then, Flea. Mmm ... I'll tell that woman that you're still standing." Shizuo got up urgently, then left without said a word to his friends.

Shinra soon returned his attention to the informant, and, to his surprise, Izaya willingly agreed to deal with each of the cuts that ran down his arms. In doing so, the doctor from time to time deviated toward what Celty had revealed:

[When I found Izaya... He said...]

[More than once…]

["I love Shizuo."]

"What are you thinking now, Izaya? This is turning out to be very... strange."

The informant gave a half smile.

"Nothing that you would approve... Since when do you care about the details?"

 _Then, Shizu-chan, it may turn out that the correct answer is that you would not have been able to kill me._

 _What has happened to you?_

 _One more mistake on our part and we will end up 'bad'..._

 _We will end up in a place that, despite the claims, nobody wants to know._

 _I can safely say that I am a madman, and perhaps I am no longer an indecisive, but..._

 _What else could I become?_

 _Do not let me know, Shizu-chan. That's what I'll ask of you in return._ …

...

 **Author's note.**

Hi everyone! :)

Have an excellent day!

I send you my regards,

~Itaria-chan~


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter XXII**

* * *

Having Izaya Orihara at home was a rare thing, even if he had been invited by Shizuo himself, the monster of Ikebukuro.

Shizuo did not expect that, just one day after Izaya's outburst, Izaya would wait for him on the window sill, as he had done on another occasion.

The fact that they were together was weird. Definitely weird.

However, the conversations guided by the informant were even more so.

"Who was the first person to kiss you?" Shizuo said with an exasperated gaze.

 _You're really 'good', damn flea._

 _How did you manage to end up talking about...?_

"Shinra."

Shizuo spat out what he had been drinking and coughed repeatedly until he resumed breathing normally (a matter that took him a while). He took his fist from his shirt to his mouth and then drank more water to clear his throat.

Izaya laughed at the sudden reaction of the bodyguard.

Although he was red with embarrassment, Shizuo did not overlook that it was the first time he heard him laugh with the confidence of always.

He suppressed a smile, because, deep down, he feared he had been mistaken in trusting Roppi or Izaya. He still could not tell who he had in his home. Both? Was that even possible?

"Besides, I am sure that I have also been the first to him. Celty has no head after all. You understand me." Izaya said with amusement in his voice. "Have I surprised you, Shizu-chan? I am the kind of person who would do anything to get what I want. Nothing seems to me particularly scandalous or immoral."

Shizuo looked at him with some reproach and also with ill-concealed curiosity.

"Even so, Shinra is a friend and nothing more than that, the only one I have. He concluded that my decision to love everyone equally was very accurate, given my 'sensitive nature'. Now, it is not surprising that, because I no longer follow to his good advice, I find myself as I am now."

 _However, I have taken a decision._

 _Simply because I feel depressed and desperate._

 _In equal parts._

"Izaya."

"Hey, Shizuo, even if you do not think it that way, I would like to reaffirm something. You and I have agreed long ago. And if you refuse, I remind you that we signed a 'contract'."

"Something?"

"Come closer."

 _Crazy, now determined, but..._

Shizuo obediently leaned across the table to the informant's face.

Izaya seemed to hesitate for a fraction of a second, but also sought to imitate him.

 _This is only my thing, but ..._

 _... it is not useful and it is not interesting, and it is better than nothing._

Shizuo did not speak. And he did not pull away as he felt Izaya's lips on his. Immobile, he felt them warm and soft. Then he noticed Izaya's fingers, very cold, brushing his cheek, before they slowly lowered the curvature of his neck.

"I always do what I promise, Shizu-chan," said Izaya, parting a little, "not only because I knew I would enjoy seeing your reactions, but the other day I wanted to show you 'this'."

"And what is 'this'?"

"Whatever you want it to be. For my part, I will not force you to anything. Feel lucky. Best of all, if you were asked, you would have to say that the first person who kissed you was your 'declared enemy'. If you were more like me, and if you did not try to look like a human, you'd have a good time seeing the surprise in their faces. And you would laugh."

"You're not the first person I kiss."

"It is a pity. You are mine."

"But what are you saying? You do not just let go... Fucking flea. You lied to me?"

"Of course I did. But you did the same."

Shizuo was going to reply, but Izaya stopped him.

With one hand around his neck, Izaya kissed him a second time. And he was aware of the indecision in Shizuo's lips.

 _If you care what others say, Shizu-chan, I promise not to say anything... And 'this' will not be repeated either._

 _But I do not care for the reasons you had for following me._

 _At least for today it will be so. That's how I'll think it._

 _And tomorrow I will try to remember it. And only for the sake of 'that' pair._

Shizuo sighed when he noticed that his body was shaking completely. And anxious to feel the skin of the informant beneath him, he pushed the table between them. He did not think of anything else ...

"The things I do for you."

 _I'll try, for Tsukishima._

"For me?" Izaya grimaced. "Bah, it does not matter."

Shizuo straddled Izaya and lowered his face until he felt his mouth for the third time. Meanwhile, his hands sought the informant's wrists and also passed over the cuts, disparate and deep. He felt each one, without exception, and Izaya in response from time to time allowed himself to let out one or another complaint.

Shizuo wondered if that submission was due solely to his injuries.

"You are a monster."

"And you asked for this monster."

"Yes, I asked for the monster I love."

Shizuo did not stop his caresses, but it did not go unnoticed to the informant that his statement had changed the look on his face. It changed him to a rather lugubrious expression ...

 _Shizu-chan is right: this is a big mistake..._

 _But, at least for today, I will not care about anything other than 'this'._

 _Even if it's a lie._

 _Even if it is a mistake..._

 _Even if it is the last of all..._


	24. Chapter 23

**Chapter XXIII**

* * *

"Celty."

The bodyguard forced himself to look up. The fairy deposited her flashy motorcycle helmet on her mount, and then, all dressed in black, she approached.

"Why are you here?" Shizuo asked, even though he knew the answer.

 _I suppose this is the most tempting place, after all._

[Shinra does not agree with what you're doing, Shizuo.]

[He wanted to come himself, but I told him that, before he tried anything, I would talk to you.]

[I do not differ from Shinra, you should know that.]

[Izaya cannot be forgiven for everything he has done, but now...]

[It does not seem fair that you use him. That has to stop.]

[Leave it, Shizuo. He needs help; One that you cannot offer him.]

"He kissed me," said the monster. He seemed to have ignored the dullahan's words.

Celty made no move to write on her PDA.

"He kissed me," Shizuo repeated, holding the cigar close to his lips. Trying, perhaps, to forget Izaya's touch on them. "And then I kissed him back. But…"

[He said he loves you.]

 _Yes. That's what he told me._

 _And whether it is a lie or not, I feel nothing._

 _I do not know what the hell we're playing._

"I cannot do... I cannot do this, Celty."

['this'?]

 _"I cannot... Even if I tried."_

 _I think._

Shizuo exhaled loudly.

And he turned his gaze to the top of his house.

From where he was standing he could not see the sill.

"I did not lie when I said that I 'accepted' Izaya because I felt very curious. And because that change of routine was fun. It still is, I recognize it. But the other thing... I realize now that I did wrong and I understand now what you told me earlier this month." Shizuo watched the cigarette burn between his fingers. "All right, Celty. I know that Izaya will not go on his own, so tell Shinra to come when he pleases. I'm not going to give explanations to anyone, but for now, I will not let that flea do anything dangerous. I will not interfere. No more…"

[Izaya is right about something. He has always had it.]

[Even if you do not mean it, Shizuo, you're... too eloquent.]

[And very sincere, more than you would like to be. That's for sure.]

Celty turned her torso in the direction of the spot Shizuo had looked at.

She approached her saddle, now in horse form, pulled her helmet over her severed neck and wrote a single sentence on the PDA before returning to Shinra.

[One does not choose whom to love, Shizuo.]

 _It just happens._

 _And one can accept that. Or not._

The bodyguard nodded dryly and continued smoking, completely meditating.

After a while, he felt his lips and sat up.

 _I am only delaying what eventually had to happen._

 _And, therefore, I am only obliged to ask a person for forgiveness._

 _And maybe even a 'that' pair._

…

Sitting comfortably on the window sill, Izaya smiled sadly.

He listened the fairy go away, but did not try to look at her, because it was already dark.

"My dear Shizu-chan, you need not distress yourself," he murmured, playing with a card. A card that before was nothing more than mere strips of cardboard. "I will not cause you any more problems soon. I promise. You will remember my words. And Namie-san will say she should not have been very optimistic. There are things that simply have no arrangement. They would have to let her know. And understand..."

Izaya barely blinked in surprise when a stout cat came to rest on his lap. It did it at the best moment, because the informant had considered climbing the roof, even though he did not fully trust the strength of his wounded arms.

Very determined, the animal settled, meowed softly and let Izaya run his fingers through the fur, curly and silky.

"If I were not aware of Shizu-chan's rough ways, I'd think you were his pet, my friend," said the informant, grateful that the newcomer had not been a dog. He scratched the cat on its chin. "Do you have issues to deal with the monster? I had them, you know?"

Izaya laughed. However, the cat company did not last long.

Shizuo stepped forward to alert the informant of his intentions and opened the window. For Izaya's sake - and not for the cat - it was sliding.

"Come in, Flea." The bodyguard raised an eyebrow, a bit incredulous, as he recognized the cat. It snorted and jumped to the ground, more hurried than elegant. And it left as Celty did.

It was lost in the dark.

"Did you hear me, Izaya?" Asked the bodyguard with obvious irritation.

Izaya looked at the sky before giving in. And he did his best not to wrinkle his nose.

"Have you put anything in a bad mood, Shizu-chan?"

 _Since I am little more than a guest, I did not listen to what you and the carrier said._

 _And even if I had, I do not think I felt any different now._

"I smoke so much if I'm pissed off or not. Do not think about it."

"I believe you."

"I do not need you to do it."

The informant smiled, still sad, before closing the window behind him.

 _I should have followed Shinra's advice._

 _But, broken as I am, I had to choose Namie-san's._

 _Despite everything, I know very well that I still prefer it._

 _That was my mistake. And maybe he was the only one I did._

 _What will be yours, Shizu-chan?_

 _But whatever it is, wait until tomorrow._


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter XXIV**

* * *

With absent air, Shizuo stared at the large window that opened onto the street.

A foot away, Tom continued to eat in peace. And he realized that even when he was in front of him, his friend's thoughts were somewhere else. Or with someone else.

So Tom was the one who warned the other that his phone rang with a sound that was not exactly discreet.

Shizuo reluctantly excused himself by recognizing the number.

"Shinra, what's the matter?" He said with cool courtesy.

The doctor, who had anticipated Shizuo's attitude, did not hesitated.

The speech he gave, lacking any naturalness, to Shizuo seemed rather rehearsed.

"I am aware that it was I who asked for your help, Shizuo. But do not be cocky. What good idea do you think it is to continue torturing Izaya, and only for your whims? I hope you know what you're doing. I warned you in due course. And now I do it once again: Izaya needs help, he needs real help, even if he does not ask for it. I also warn you that I will pass in the morning, so if you have matters to deal with, attend them, but think twice before, even if only this time," he said and hung up without giving his friend time to reply.

Shizuo complained, and without bothering to return to the room to say goodbye to Tom, he strode off.

What Shinra told the monster could only interpret as a threat, but he admitted that the doctor was right.

 _Shinra, I get the impression that Celty did not let you know what I decided._

 _Well then, I will attend to the matters I have left unfinished._

…

Shizuo knew he could not contain his anger, but he sat down in the living room and gestured to his 'guest' to do the same. It was unfair, but he was too angry to think clearly, as he always did when he was angry.

He forced himself to think of nothing but what he promised to say.

He did not think of Shinra's words, Celty's words, or even the kiss Izaya had given him.

Or the kiss he gave in response.

"Izaya," Shizuo began in a very serious voice, so serious that Izaya hesitated as he searched for his face. "There is something I must tell you. Before anything else happens." Shizuo broke off when he thought the informant shrank into place. Izaya's gesture was nowhere to be seen, but Shizuo's words did not seem to want to leave until after an awkward silence. "I know you listened to Shinra and me. You know then that we talked about... Roppi and that I accepted that you followed me wherever I went. And everything I said that day was true, or almost everything."

 _And as if you had listened to me last night, you have waited until today to confess._

 _But, being honest, for once, I do not think I'm ready._

 _Let's keep the lie, Shizu-chan._

"I did not doubt," said Izaya, without giving any further glance. He spoke loudly and clearly, to believe what he himself said. "It's okay, Shizu-chan. You do not have to give me explanations of any kind. From the beginning, you gave me to understand that you were just going to offer me your company. And I accepted it."

 _And I even got more than expected, even if you do not know._

Shizuo stared at Izaya, thinking of being silent or not.

He chose to follow and discard advice.

"I accepted the work Namie Yagiri offered me; A job like any other, with schedule and a generous pay, even. She told me to consent to have you near me and, perhaps, I did get used to your presence." Izaya caught the affectionate tone that Shizuo could not hide, even though he was angry. "But that is not important. Shinra warned me that ... it would not be good for you to know. And he was right. Or so I think. That's why you gave me that grimace and that's why it happened ... everything else?" Shizuo pointed to the informant's injured arms. He left them under the table, safe from any inspection.

"Actually, Shizu-chan, I do not know very well why I do what I do lately," he lied. "They say I'm sick and maybe I believe them. Maybe on any other day I would not have thought to do what I did, but, of course, we can never know for sure. Your question will remain in the air," he said, his attention focused on the ceiling. The course that was following the conversation seemed less pleasant.

"I did not use any of the money," Shizuo snapped. He let it go so abruptly and so quickly that Izaya did not understand him at first. "I accepted the money, but it is still yours. I did not use it. I confess that I was tempted to pay the owners of the two cars I destroyed not long ago, because, well, that was up to you."

"Well. Finding out something like this might surprise me", said the informant, not very excited. "Surely carrying that secret on your back was running out of you," the mockery could not help it and he did not feel bad about showing himself as he was. "I'm touched by your honesty, you know?"

Tic Tac…

"Now what the hell is wrong with you, Flea?" Growled Shizuo. "It was my intention to clear up this whole mess."

The mention of his nickname, in the contemptuous tone Shizuo used for years to signal and shout at him, made Izaya stand up.

And there was no one to stop him. Not even what remained of the Shinjuku informant. O Roppi, the pain or the memory of a kiss.

"To me? What the hell is wrong with me? You're the one who first said you hate me, and then you do not. I tried to jump and you know it well, and you accepted that I was your shadow. And how it was not enough for me, I drugged myself in Raira for pure nostalgia, or so I say. Ah, but the best part is that I'm so crazy that I tried to bleed out there (I still had the doorknob with me), and what bad luck I had because the transporter found me!"

"Whether I was mad or not, you soon came back to me and offered me what I wanted from the beginning: you. Only you. To be by your side, because ... I do not know why! I said it already. I do not even know the reasons I have. Or the ones I had. Dammit! I was right! Shinra was right and at the time me too! I ... I hate myself for giving in to ... what 'this' is and loving you! But for you, I am ... I am still only the Flea, and with me, comes the mess you say. Well, I'm sorry, but I did not choose what happened. Or, rather, what I feel. 'Good', some people tell you and I told them liars. You are a monster. A MONSTER!"

"Yes, I am a very selfish monster. And, for being what I am, I do not think its worth crying."

The informer gritted his teeth and rubbed his eyes roughly. So, his arm was invaded by a dull ache, which was nothing compared to what he felt in the rest of the body.

Shizuo spoke and unleashed the monster.

"I accept it. What you're saying is just the truth: I'm a selfish monster. And cruel. And for that I will tell you that to hell with Shinra and Celty, and their words! Damn them all. I'm pissed! Tired of all! What does it matter what they say? They care about you, of course they do. I do not question it. It would be very silly not to notice. But I do not care what they think of me, or what they think of what I did or did not do. In the end, I care about you, too. I care as much as to them, maybe more because the feeling is not the same. But I cannot prove it to you like the rest. I cannot because I'm not human. I am a monster."

"And truth be told, because one does not choose whom to love. I love you. Whether you're crazy. Whether you are the informant I met. I know I was a fool, I know I've made more than one mistake and I'll keep doing it, but, Izaya, do not question it, I really... I really love you."

Perplexed, Izaya continued to cry, without uttering a sound.

He looked carefully at Shizuo, now standing up, shaking from head to toe. His hands were clenched in fists and his eyes were as bright and sincere as ever. Shizuo did not seem to end up believing what he had said, but even he did not even think about his words, he knew they were telling the truth.

The informant ran a hand through his hair just to do something and then, crying and laughing, approached the monster.

"I love you, Shizuo. The rest ... I do not care."

 _What does it matter if I'm crazy or not?_

 _What does it matter if you're a monster or not, Shizu-chan?_

 _What does it matter if you've made the same mistake as me?_

 _None of that matters, even though I know I always keep what I promise._

Shizuo uttered a strange sound, relieved most surely, and embraced Izaya.

He kissed him on the forehead and pressed him to his chest.

 _I... I do not feel angry anymore._

He remembered Shinra's words.

"Stay with me. For today, Izaya."

"Yes, if you want it that's fine. For today, there will only be you and me."

 _Crazy or not, I..._

 _I feel happy._

...

 **Author** ' **s note.**

Thanks for reading! Until next time!

~Itaria-chan~

Guest, Aww. Thanks a lot! (o´ω`o)ﾉ Of course, I will continue this.


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter XXV**

* * *

Izaya could not estimate how much time had passed since he and Shizuo started kissing, feeling each other. And he did not care.

He cared only for the fact that they understood each other without words.

Only when he noticed the sound of the wood creaking under his weight did Izaya realize that they had moved from room to room until they both lay on the bed.

The place was filled with his breathing, his panting and his touch.

The informant was astonished that Shizuo's fingers could be polite. He had gently touched his face, neck, shoulders, and spine with them, very slowly, as if Shizuo thought they had the time of the world (although both knew well that it was not possible).

 _Shizu-chan..._

"Shizu-chan."

Shizuo began to undress him and Izaya had to bite the inside of his cheek so as not to complain when the wounds on his arms stung (before the gesture, Shizuo gave him a look full of affection). Then, without breaking a new kiss, Izaya discovered Shizuo's body and paused a moment to observe it, as did the other. He scanned it closely, causing Shizuo to shudder at the metallic cold of his rings, and smiled before stroking his face and hair.

In turn, Shizuo's fingers that began to explore his body, one by one, accustoming him thus to his touch, made him let out sounds of pain.

Shizuo grabbed him by the waist and sat him on his lap, measuring his strength at all times.

"Are you sure about this, Izaya?" His hands stopped.

"I know that from the beginning I was," he said, staring into his eyes. "I love you."

 _I, perhaps, always waited for 'this'. Whether I accepted it or not._

 _And to think that, as soon as I met you, I thought I was right when I decided not to love you._

 _It seems that, in the end, it was good not to have discarded you..._

 _Perhaps it´s because, precisely, you are not something that should be seen in this world, that you cannot disappoint me, Shizu-chan. In the end, with or without madness, I always want to love them. I want to love you._

"I love you too."

Izaya did not stop shaking when he felt Shizuo enter him.

 _It hurt._

 _It hurts a lot._

With his ears warm and hot, Izaya lowered his eyes, forced himself to move and watch Shizuo's ecstatic expression. There was almost nothing of his former calm.

"Hey, Shi-Shizu-chan... are you happy?"

With a flushed face, Shizuo extended his arm to feel Izaya's cheek. He felt it warm, just as he felt the rest of his body with his. He ran his fingers over the tears that filled the informant's eyes, and the ones he did not wipe did not come down his face. But his eyes clouded.

Izaya sobbed and, with one hand, leaned against Shizuo's naked torso.

He smiled and his chest swelled, almost proudly, as he knew he was the only one who could know the Shinjuku informant completely. Under his hand he felt Izaya's heart. And he felt it throbbing until he wrapped his hand in his, looking for support.

"Izaya..."

 _When you sought to 'remember', what did you see?_

 _I want to think that..._

 _I want to think you were after me. After me. Even if I am a monster._

 _If you asked me, and if you still wanted to know, I have no idea why I saved you that day ..._

 _I just know that I do not regret it and that I would do it again. Again, without hesitation._

Izaya moaned and shook as Shizuo placed his hands around his hip and increased the pace and vigor of the thrusts. He got up to sit, and Izaya soon embraced him, trembling.

Shizuo approached Izaya as much as he could.

"Izaya..."

"Aahmmm."

Shizuo widened a smile and kissed Izaya.

Izaya kissed him, eager, and tightened his embrace.

 _I love him._

 _I love him._

 _I will not let you go, Izaya._

"Shizuo."

When pleasure invaded Shizuo, he called the name of Izaya. And Izaya felt it with him, and a smile on his lips.

 _Mad or not, I love this monster._

 _..._

 **Author** ' **s note.**

Hope you had enjoyed it! The next update will be the last.

Have a good one.

~Itaria-chan~

Guest, I'm flattered, thank you! You made me smile. (^▽^)


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter XXVI**

* * *

When he heard noises outside, Shizuo hurried out of the shower.

However, because he had no illusions about the promised visit, he chose to delay all the time it took to get dressed and even to dry his hair. He did not expect his friend to forget what he said, but he thought he would have part of the morning... to be with Izaya. He had no idea what they had said about having the opportunity, but he realized that it would be enough to rest his gaze on the informant.

In the end, he hoped Celty would have volunteered once more to act as an intermediary.

 _But I know it's Shinra, not Celty._

Before heading to the entrance, Shizuo glanced at Izaya. He laughed softly, and he half smiled. Asleep, the informant did not seem to be a person capable of manipulating others for pure unhealthy fun. He did not seem to be the same person who tormented him for years.

 _Of course, it also did not seem possible that we could ever... get along, right?_

He braked the impulse to rub his face and then decided to welcome his friend.

 _He's my friend and Izaya's friend too, but... still..._

Unable to avoid it, he thought he was angry as he moved down the corridor. In his opinion, they had no reason to keep complaining about what he did or did not do ... even when he might be wrong.

 _Is he thinking that all I can do is break things?_

"Shinra," said Shizuo with a serious glare, and, to the consideration of some, dangerous.

The bodyguard wanted to make a good face, but he soon gave up.

Shinra emblazoned something like a smile.

"Am I right to think Izaya is still here?" He met a look that made Shizuo understand that he was aware of the situation between them. The bodyguard sighed with resignation.

 _At least he saved me from telling him lies that he would never believe me._

He did not know what expression he formed, but Shinra seemed to soften.

"Yes, Izaya is here. And he's OK." Shizuo said, although he knew his words would not make Shinra give up. "What do you want?"

"You already know; I come to fulfill what I promised Izaya and my beloved Celty. Besides, the word 'good' is too imprecise, you know."

Noticing the abrupt tone, Shizuo invited him in. The doctor entered with his hands clasped behind his back and with a calm air. He peered into the bedroom door into which, he supposed, Izaya Orihara would be.

 _So, he's not a flea anymore?_

 _He's only Izaya Orihara now._

Shinra looked curious, but did not think it necessary to wake the other. So, he preferred to take a seat in a chair and so did Shizuo.

The wait became very uncomfortable, but neither sought to break the silence (for fear of further worsening the environment and, of course, due to the bad temper of the bodyguard). It almost seemed that they were trying to breathe in such a way that even that sound would go unnoticed. Perhaps neither of them sought to confront Izaya in the presence of the other. An affair that, they agreed, was delicate.

Shizuo thought he heard Izaya's soft footsteps, but did not call him. Shinra did not seem to notice that: he had his attention on his cell phone.

 _Are you telling Celty that, once again, I've screwed up?_

 _That must be repeating himself right now._

 _And that's why he'll say something like: 'Even though he tried to avoid it, Shizuo always breaks things, always destroys everything, destroys everything and causes damage to others.'_

He heard a door slamming in the bathroom and he thought he felt uneasy.

Shinra seemed to think the same as he stood, but he was kind enough to have Shizuo go ahead and call Izaya. In front of the door, Shizuo realized that Izaya's clothes were no longer on the bed and, therefore, that the informant had taken his switchblade.

 _Instead of having left him clean clothes, I should have taken the knife..._

With an impatient gesture, the doctor asked him to knock the door open.

Shizuo shook his head, but he could not stop the knob from cracking under his fingers. When he pulled them apart he saw that he had left deep marks, though he did not care in the least.

He rested his palm on the door, but he did not show any signs of wanting to push it.

 _Why the hell cannot I do it?_

 _Cannot I because I think Izaya trusts me?_

"Shizuo..." Shinra said quietly, very distressed.

"No." He turned again and, as if in that way he could reduce the tension, he touched his knuckles against the door, gently. "Hey, Izaya, open the door. Open it, please."

There was no answer, only silence.

 _I did not tell him that anyone would come, but I should have known, or perhaps he heard me talk to Celty as he did before. Although, it may be that from the beginning he thought of going away whether anyone intervened._

 _And if that were true, then..._

Shizuo pushed the door from its frame.

"What did you do, Shizuo?" Shinra asked, barely glancing at the empty room. The window was wide open.

"Nothing…"

 _I only…_

 _I…_

 _Although you told me not to intervene..._

Shizuo swallowed hard and did not try to explain what had happened. In truth, he did not understand it well.

… _I made a mistake._

Shinra put on an expression that Shizuo could not interpret. Even so, guilt struck him as if it were the blow of a whip.

"He will not do anything... dangerous," Shizuo said, but not even believing it.

"I told you to settle your affairs, but I did not mean for you to tell him... Was not it enough to know that he has already tried three times...?" Shinra stopped, perhaps because he thought he had done wrong too. "We have to find him. Although, if he wants to, we will never do."

Anxiety seized Shizuo, and in an instinctive gesture, he reached into his pants pocket, perhaps looking for a cigar. When he found none, he shook his head and rubbed himself behind his neck.

"I'll bring him back."

Shinra nodded dryly and left the house.

Shizuo delayed a few moments, then forced himself to move and follow him.

 _Izaya, I am so monstrous that, when I reach out my hand, you move away from me?_

 _What are you afraid of? Or to whom? You fear me? Is it possible that..._

 _I feel the same... what would happen if you were to be the same as before?_

 _That's my biggest fear right now; It is not my strength that breaks everything in its path, but that you are the Flea again..._

 _If you were to overcome whatever is wrong with you, and if you consider that 'this' is not enough... would you be able to tell me that everything past was just a game? Could you tell me that you only wanted to know how far you could go, manipulating me...?_

 _Maybe you could say that, but I would not believe you._

 _I said that I would not leave you by my side and that I trusted you... whether you are the informant. Or if you were he again._

"Shinra, do you think that now Izaya is a shadow of what he was? Or, perhaps, has he always been like this and only until recently showed his true nature? Shall he return to be the hateful flea that tormented all of us and which only made my life miserable? If he becomes who he was again, could I accept him?

"I do not know, Shizuo. Let's find him and ask him yourself."


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter** **XXVII**

The informant with a slight limp, dressed in his usual dark pants and shoes, but with a white shirt, looked at the scars on his palms and arms... And then he laughed.

 _Let's face it, Shizuo..._

 _You accepted me only when I was no longer the informant. You accepted me when I hid the Flea who knows where..._

 _You accepted me only when I ceased to be Izaya Orihara._

 _First you accepted Roppi and him to Tsuki, but, honestly, I cannot say who they really are._

 _Right now…_

 _I cannot understand the reason for my past actions._

 _How wonderful was observing humans?_

 _Why was I so anxious to use the fairy's head...?_

 _Why did I feel that I hated you, as intensely as I thought I loved the rest?_

Izaya stopped and scanned the surroundings calmly.

 _Right now…_

 _How wonderful would it be to watch you and be by your side?_

 _Why did I seek to approach you?_

 _Why don't I think more of the fairy's head...?_

 _Why do I think I love you? Why don't I think humans are no fun anymore?_

 _Let's face it, Shizuo, we will not be able to maintain by far what we call 'this'..._

"If I stay as I am, we'll have little time, I know, and you know it too. And if I go back to being what I was... nothing will be different than it was at first," Izaya gave a long sigh and entered the Labyrinth. "Did you have fun when you were chasing me down Ikebukuro, up to Shinjuku? Did you even enjoy yourself when you said you hated me...?"

 _I did hate you. I hated you because I loved humans; It seemed as simple as that. Maybe I hated you too, because if I discovered that you were also human, I would not be able to love you, after all, and then what? Would I have to admit that in fact the love for my humans was only 'something' to hide what Shinra saw in me? A false love, a forced love to hide what I really am? I don't know; I really don't know. I don't know if you're a human or if you're a monster, or if I really hated you or did not hate you. Or if you won my hatred or if you felt the same way_." Izaya slowed the pace and walked with his hand around the card fifty-four.

He felt under his fingers the uneven edges of cardboard, which held together with a perfectly placed ribbon.

 _Maybe it would have been better if I had let it go with the rest that day._

 _My humans and their wills, my cards..._

"It will not be a very sad fact to discard them altogether and, of course, with them to their owner..."

 _If there is no one who compels them to play with a god I suppose they will choose to play among them._

 _Yes, definitely, that will not be a bad thing ... And it will also be easy to forget. Quick as someone who hits the ground after jumping over the edge. Fast as it lasts for a round of applause._

Tic Tac…

 _At least... no longer irritates me your way of being, or not knowing why I did not love you until now..._

 _To know if I was right when I thought you did not deserve my love...! Maybe the hate was never true... or maybe it was. I don't know; I really don't know. It does not matter anymore of that. No longer matters 'this'... No, not anymore_.

"But human or not human, monster or not, and whether I am or no longer the informant or Izaya Orihara... or Roppi... or the Flea... or a god... or whatever... Whether I understand or not what happened... In the end, right now, I do not feel disappointed. I _don't feel_ disappointed, although I asked you not to let me know that I could become... So let her sigh with resigned air, let them cry and then laugh with desire, let him think that he failed the fairy and already nobody else; Leave them because they are all human, whether they believe it or not. For my part... If you think for a while about "this" and me, that will be enough. Only then can I know you at all.

The informant stopped once more and turned, without haste.

Izaya gave no sign of surprise when he saw the men approaching. Uniformed as they were in the same color that he could not see clearly, he assumed that they would be gang members. On another occasion, he would have chosen to play with them for a while: using carefully chosen words or making use of his spring blade knife ...

Now, however, he did not arm himself with any of his weapons, even though by instinct he had released the card and adopted another posture.

He waited for them in their place, all hidden by the buildings that bordered the alley where he was saved an eternity ago, in his way of seeing.

 _I promised you, Shizuo; I promised not to cause you any more trouble._

 _Tell Namie-san not to be optimistic again..._

 _Tell her that there are things that must remain broken... For the good of all... No! Or rather, for your sake, Shizu-chan. Yes, I am convinced of that._

It seemed to him that a cat meowed in the vicinity.

 _After all, I am what I am._

…


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter XXVIII**

* * *

Shizuo stopped suddenly in the middle of the alley, or rather, in the middle of a series of streets that zigzagged every couple of meters until that place became to a real and dangerous labyrinth.

 _I know you're very close. I know._

 _I know you have to be around._

 _I know you decided to come here._

 _For what you chose to go to Raira: For me._

For the second time he wanted to reach for something, even though he knew he was not carrying a cigar or anything else, but he stopped the impulse. Nothing could be heard in the surroundings, and he couldn't even catch the scent that had been so familiar to him lately.

A familiar and comforting scent.

His fingers closed around nothing.

He was about to rub himself behind the neck or the bridge of his nose, when, at the end, his arms dropped them languidly at the sides.

 _Izaya..._

The bodyguard shrugged and ended up squatting. He put one hand to his knee and the other passed it over his hair, all with affected look.

 _Izaya..._

There came a faint sound; The sound of four small paws hitting the floor.

When he looked up, he found himself once again with a stout cat.

Shizuo giggled nervously before pulling the animal toward him and depositing it in his lap.

"I'll have to give you a name... Or you'll have to tell me which one you have."

Even on the floor, he ran his fingers through the cat's ears that at first snorted. But it didn't slow to meek softly.

"I thought you didn't like me," he said under his breath.

"Maybe that's true, but it's gone in your search, right? You will have ended up liking him."

Conscious that the cat was still lying placidly on his legs, the bodyguard didn't jump up when he recognized the newcomer. Dressed in white he had a look... curious... almost unpolluted.

"Oh, I think you're the first to be so glad to see me, Shizuo," said Izaya, smiling half-smile. He smiled even when he was bruised enough and a trickle of blood ran from a cut close to the eyebrow to leave a trail that ended below the cheek.

Shizuo realized that he was also smiling half-heartedly.

 _I'm smiling with pure relief._

"Mmm... You look good on white," he admitted.

After looking at Shizuo's expression, which seemed to shout 'Come to me,' Izaya let out a muffled sound and came up with another set of stumbling.

The cat turned away from Shizuo (though it did not leave), and so he held out his hand to the informant, asking him to sit next to him.

"Izaya."

The informant knelt and leaned on the other.

 _What a shame it would be to admit that I like and makes me happy when you call my name._

 _If you say it again just like a moment ago, as if you liked it, and if we both forget the Flea, then I may remember who I am._

Izaya allowed Shizuo to hug him.

He allowed it before he asked for a kiss.

"Why did you leave? Where did you go? What...?"

"Do you really want to know?" He asked in a low, casual voice.

"No. Okay, don't say anything if you don't want to," he said, twining his fingers with Izaya's. Beneath his palm he felt the scars he had blown several days ago... for reasons he knew he would not have again.

 _Why would I want you to tell me what I already know?_

 _Maybe because I like you to talk to me... 'This' is better than what we had..._

 _Nothing can be as before, now I know. What will happen will happen and, even if in time, you feel again like 'the informant', you would not be able to accept that I persecuted you and will yell at you, and call you flea._

 _That is why I can say that it only remains to contemplate as every gets better._

Shizuo brushed his fingers over Izaya's face until he complained of the wound he had received.

"I wish I could tell you that I would respect whatever you chose to do or not do, but I was determined to find you and bring you back. Shinra should have said the same thing... but we chose..."

"Back to where, Shizuo?"

"I don't know, but... with me, anyway."

Izaya chuckled.

" _I don't know_. You always do everything half-way and without much thought, eh?"

Shizuo planted a kiss on his forehead.

"You don't make things any easier, you know."

"Yes, I suppose you're right. But in the end, here we are. Here you and I are."

"As usual."

"Yes, as it always has been."

 _After so many years..._

 _I came back to you._

"It cannot be avoided," Shizuo said.

Izaya rested his eyes on the bodyguard.

"What have you got there?" He asked as he noticed the card that Izaya held with one hand.

 _Everything and nothing at the same time._

 _It was, after all, what make me broke my promise to you._

 _It's 'this'... maybe._

 _Although it would be better to say that it is a mistake that I do not regret._

 _Although hunting you seemed to me to fall very low at the time... even though... I was willing that 'this' and myself would end up far, far from you..._

Izaya sighed.

 _I realize that it is a lie that you are a person who can be told in a few words... How could I have thought you would disappoint me? I guess the past is past and it would be better not to think about it anymore._

 _But today I know that if I died, you would feel very lonely._

 _That's why and for this that... I... that's why I..._

"I need... I need help."

Shizuo shook Izaya in arms as much as he could, but measuring his strength, as he knew he would have to do in his new day to day.

"Yes, you do. And you will have it."

 _I want you to live._

 _That... 'This' is what I want._

"Come with me, Izaya. We must find Shinra and then..."

 _And then we'll accept whatever must happen._

"Okay, Shizuo, but not yet. Not yet. Let's stay here for a while." He dropped his weight on Shizuo, with one hand scratching under the cat's chin.

 _What would have happened if you, my friend, had not alerted me to his presence...?_

Izaya turned to Shizuo.

 _I don't know how true the love I felt for my humans was some time ago, but... this one, Shizuo, human or monster, I do love him._

 _That is the truth that has come to light..._

 _For our good._

"Izaya, thank you. Thank you for coming back."

 _Thank you for not forcing me to make you to do anything you don't want._

"... thanks for waiting for me."

 _To wait and show me what you really are and who I am._

 _..._

 **Author's note.**

Hi everyone!

So, one more and it's over.

¡Thanks for reading this!

~Itaria-chan~

Guest, Good thing he did! Our flea is safe... for now. Anyway, have an excellent day!


	30. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

-June 25th-

The bodyguard walked calmly, though he admitted to himself that he felt a knot in his stomach and a slight tingling in his fingers.

When he spotted a white building around the corner, he looked for the cat that had accompanied him the whole way since leaving home.

"Wait for me here, Vamp."

The cat meowed in response, and, stretching as far as it could, snuggled into a sheltered place in the world.

 _This animal is more a dog than a cat._

 _Or more than either both._

Shizuo gave it one last look before entering the hospital.

The process of entry was, against all expectations, quick and after a couple of minutes Shizuo was in the middle of the living room, but was not at all surprised that Izaya was not in sight (although the nurses assured him that he would find him there).

 _Habits do not get lost so easily._

So, and somehow, he managed to dodge the staff and head for the fire stairs.

He found Izaya Orihara leaning against the lattice that skirted the roof. And, although at first he missed his clothes, he realized that he had a better face than on previous occasions. Ever since they found themselves in that network of alleys... where Shizuo saved him.

 _Now at least he eats and sleeps as he should._

 _And as I said, the white looks good on him._

As he stood beside him, he noticed that the unpleasant sensations had long since vanished.

"Izaya."

"Hey, Shizuo, I didn't think I would see you so soon."

"You told me to wait to come and I've waited long enough."

"Yes I agree."

 _But do not think I'm going to tell you how much I've missed you._

"They treat you well?" Shizuo asked before reaching for Izaya's hand. For a change, it felt warm.

Izaya nodded, but, contrary to what the bodyguard expected, that was not all the answer he gave.

"It's... bearable, I suppose. There are lots of humans here and all very peculiar (which would not be surprising to anyone), you know? I didn't think that I would have the 'opportunity' to do my observations in such a place, even if some think it happens the other way around... I've seen you arrive. What a partner you have gotten... do you consider it my temporary replacement?"

Shizuo raised an eyebrow, not sure whether he should laugh or not.

"Have you been up here for a long time?"

"Yes, and I get the impression that no one seems to care much or maybe they have not noticed my absences yet. When Shinra came and he knew, condescending as he is, he did not reproach me, and Namie-san did the same. She said something like she was enjoying her unforeseen vacation, although generously paid."

"Anyway it does not matter. You're leaving soon."

"Did they tell you that or did you hear that? Or do you now have a blind faith in me?"

"Neither one nor the other."

 _I only know. And I hope so._

Izaya looked at him curiously.

"If you're right, what? What will happen after I leave?"

"It will happen what we want, as simple as that."

"When it comes to us, nothing can be simple."

"You don't seem to be very excited about leaving this place. Why?"

Shizuo noticed that Izaya had given him a squeeze in the hand he kept linked to his.

"You have changed, Shizuo. I've never seen you so... calm? Besides, I realize you don't smoke cigarettes, at least not like before." He did not end up smiling. "But I know very well that I've not done it. Every day that passes I feel that it comes back to me a little of what I was."

"If that's true, what does it matter if you're out or not?"

"Besides, do you feel optimistic?"

"Call it what you like. But, tell me, would it please you that I told you flea? You did not call me Shizu-chan either. You call me Shizuo. And that's fine."

"Fine?"

"A vague term, is it not? I've been told before, but I always find it appropriate for our situation." Shizuo gave him a look of affection. "Don't think about what you were or what you did, or what I was. That we both know and I know we don't care anymore."

"For what do we care?"

"This".

Shizuo approached Izaya and smiled before touching his lips. With a finger, he traced his curvature, slowly, and then dared to kiss him. When he turned away from the informant, he played with a lock of his hair, as if he liked the colorful color.

Shizuo blinked at the gesture.

" _This_ needs a better name."

"Or maybe not."

"Yes, maybe not."

 _What do you call something that is everything and nothing at the same time?_

"I've missed you, Izaya."

"In that case I will seek a solution as soon as possible. Mmm... how much time do I've before you leave?"

"Do you want me to leave?"

Izaya squeezed his hand again when he noticed the disappointment in his voice. Then he explained:

"Yeah, because it would be a problem if they saw you, right? (And if they saw me). What I want to say is... I hope to see you every day until I get out... and after, of course. To know how much more should I...!"

"I'll wait as long as you need. Besides, I can stop by here every day. Which reminds me that my indefinite suspension is over."

"Then you'd better go soon. Tomorrow I will stay in the room. Although it is a pity; I like being near the edge...!"

"For the view, I hope."

"Yes, for the view." Izaya turned his attention to a stop at any particular point. "Hey, Shizuo, I didn't respond at the time, but did they tell you what this is?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya's playing card. He took it in his fingers and turned it around. He thought he saw some ink marks, but if something had written there, it was now intelligible.

"It's a card, that's all. And a pretty _battered_ one, right?"

"Yes, It's a card and nothing more. Even so, keep it. It's yours after all."

 _It's yours and, like your will, it does not belong to me._

 _I've decided so._

"Huh? Thanks, I think."

Izaya laughed and formed a smile. A complete smile.

"I see you tomorrow."

"Yes, I'll be here."

Shizuo turned around, but Izaya held him a little longer.

"Hey, Shizuo, just so you know, I missed you too."

"I know."

"You know?"

"You have told Celty that I am an open book to you, but I am also capable of understanding others. Right now, I can understand you perfectly."

"If you bring those, I don't need to tell you more."

"No, it's not necessary." Shizuo smiled at him with a sage face. "I love you."

"And I love you too. But, everyone knows that, so I may still think it will take some time before you can finally read me at all."

 _And those who don't know yet will eventually realize._

 _After all, we have many days ahead._

 _We have what seems like an eternity._

"That moment will come, no doubt."

"Sure. And it will be because we have decided so."

Shizuo smiled, took the card inside his pocket and left to return the next day.

.

.

.

 **The End**

.

.

.

 **Author's note.**

Well... This story ends here! If you have reached this far, I say thank you all! ヾ(･ω･*)ﾉ

And, If you have time, tell me, what do you think?

Have a nice day!

~Itaria-chan~


End file.
